Hey, let’s post here!

Why not?

I mean, it’s been since March 2012? What’s that about. I haven’t had anything as important to say as all the other complete and utter crap that’s on this blog? Seems unlikely.

I wonder if this feed still exists in anyone’s RSS reader, because I’m sure no one who isn’t searching Google for instructions on getting their Logitech webcam to work with newer versions of Windows or sneeze porn (protip, there is indeed video of me sneezing, but it’s located ELSEWHERE) is regularly stumbling upon this site.

I wonder if this feed still exists in MY RSS reader.

I guess I’ll find out, eh.

I only just deleted my Google Reader shared RSS sidebar the other day.

Between March 2012 and now so many of my sidebar widgets much just have completely stopped working.

I logged in and updated the widget what keeps my tweets updated in the sidebar and it apparently needs to update 16569 tweets to some new format. It’s been working on it for nearly 24 hours now. Every time I refresh the page it’s showing me stupid shit I said 6 years ago, 5 years ago, 4 years ago, it’s now up to 3.

LOL Foursquare tweets. I guess people still use that thing, huh. I’ve become ever so slightly more paranoid since I used to post my full name and address and phone number and current location online without giving a shit.

No one ever actually sent me any pizza, either. Or sandwiches.

I’m still waiting for my sandwiches.

I have a new thing in the sidebar of WordPress that’s all “Social Broadcasting” “Broadcast Post [X] Yes [ ] NO”. I’m not sure what that does. Probably just Twitter? I don’t know what the butt my settings are set to do.

I don’t even have a proper theme anymore because the one I tweaked myself ages ago had two whole sidebars and I don’t have that many sidebars of stuffs and such to put into bars on the side.


I’m mostly posting because I can’t sleep because the grocery store had no butternut squashes and I bought an inferior squash when I could have bought an acorn squash instead and I am the sort of person who gets hung up on trivial shit like squash varieties.

I’m just gonna go buy another squash tomorrow. A better squash.

I’d return my inferior squash but then I’d have to talk to someone at the customer service desk and it’ll be busy and I’ll have to stand there waiting for ages just to be all “hi, I’d like to return this squash please” and that’s the sort of thing I need Xanax for because I’m clearly insane. Who even returns a squash.

Is produce even returnable? Because I’ve had some major cucumber and celery issues in the past. But I mean, I ate part of those. I didn’t eat part of this squash. It’s not really the kind of thing you take a bite out of.

Whatever. Maybe I really like spaghetti squash. I never ate such a thing before. What in the heck does one even do with a spaghetti squash. The internet tells me it’s a possible replacement for the kind of spaghetti that contains gluten and um. Yeah that sounds like complete crap to me. A) Nothing replaces gluten. B) If something did replace gluten it would not be a squash.

I’m pretty sure about that.

I’m going to go eat pills and watch Netflix now, Internet. Good talk.

talking to myself during the vampire diaries

(12:33:55 AM) Candice: how are these people without jobs or families ALSO now revealed to own lakehouses
(12:34:27 AM) Candice: while most of the vampires, who could have made wise investments long ago, are squatting wherever
(12:35:19 AM) Candice: where are their parents!? wait n/m nearly all of the adults in this series have been killed already
(12:35:47 AM) Candice: except the attractive and single males
(12:35:49 AM) Candice: why is that
(12:36:24 AM) Candice: vampires love killing off MILFs?
(12:36:34 AM) Candice: or shoudl that be MsILF
(12:36:49 AM) Candice: which reminds me that i shoudl wathc the gilmroe girls again
(12:38:30 AM) Candice: because no good reason one of the scenes i remember from that is laurelai and rory talking about passersby and passerbys
(12:39:27 AM) Candice: the amount of eyebrow waggling on this show……..
(12:39:51 AM) Candice: does the CW compensate them for the massive amout of botox they’ll need later on?
(12:40:02 AM) Candice: due to forehead wrinkles due to over-acting?
(12:40:52 AM) Candice: the acting isn’t actually bad
(12:40:56 AM) Candice: the writing isn’t bad, either
(12:41:01 AM) Candice: the concept is just FUCKING HORRIBLE
(12:41:28 AM) Candice: which is probably why i watch this. completely awful is just no fun.
(12:42:22 AM) Candice: pretty good + really actually pretty good + smarmy hot guy + RETARDED PREMISE making the entire thing a joke = yes?
(12:42:48 AM) Candice: and actresses named candice
(12:42:51 AM) Candice: i’m always on their side
(12:42:58 AM) Candice: especially when they spell it correctly
(12:43:02 AM) Candice: fuck off, candace cameron

November 22, 2001

Little girls often cannibalized their babies by chewing on fingers and toes, causing them to disappear altogether.

Why don’t you do us all a favour and disappear altogether?

Some experts believe the ice cap could disappear altogether by the end of the 21st Century.

Bluish or grayish Mongolian spots on the back or buttocks usually fade by school age, though they may never disappear altogether.

When bleeding occurs, your sight may become hazy, spotty or even disappear altogether.

Yet the bubble is expanding so quickly.

Religion as we know it may in the future disappear altogether.

There is good news regarding the plague, and we are hopeful, given what people say, that it will soon disappear altogether, and then, if it please God, you will not have this impediment preventing your return.

They suspect he is being tortured and could be made to ‘disappear’ altogether if there is no public outcry.

In women who are not pregnant, hyperthyroidism can affect menstrual periods, making them irregular, lighter, or disappear altogether.

Latencies become lengthened progressively to unrecordable levels as 19.

I’m trying to find them before they disappear altogether.

Side-effects of the antidepressants become less severe but do not disappear altogether.

After high school time collapses and differences in age matter less, until they disappear altogether into the complexities of a life.

How small things can actually get before they disappear altogether?

The few times I had to speak, my voice would either crack noticeably or disappear altogether.

If A = B, then the solution curve is a circle, which may degenerate to a single point or disappear altogether.

Time seems to have a way of causing some things to pass from our consciousness, or to disappear altogether.

Above some threshold, stable states of heavier nuclei disappear altogether and there is no nuclear physics at all.

At that time goodness will abound on all sides and evil will disappear altogether.

Mold will likely never disappear altogether, but there are precautionary steps that can be taken to minimize your exposure.

On the 1st of January 2002, the guilder in the Netherlands will disappear altogether and will be replaced by the euro as the common currency.

It is mighty, indeed, and yet how long do you think you could possibly refrain from boredom if she were to disappear altogether?

Catullus 101

Was going through a box of old papers from my school days.

Here is Catullus 101 as (very) loosely translated by one Candice Green in 2000.

Multās per gentēs et multa per aequora vectus
Carried through many traffic jams and many red lights,

adveniō hās miserās, frāter, ad īnferiās,
I have come to this department store,

ut tē postrēmō dōnārem mūnere mortis
to return this defective coffee-maker

et mūtam nēquīquam alloquerer cinerem,
and to speak in vain to your customer service,

quandoquidem fortūna mihī tētē abstulit ipsum.
since fate has stolen the receipt from me.

heu miser indignē frāter adēmpte mihi,
Oh, my poor receipt, cruelly stolen from me!

nunc tamen intereā haec, prīscō quae mōre parentum
Now, however, meanwhile, accept this defective coffee-maker

trādita sunt trīstī mūnere ad īnferiās,
which has been bought from your store in the custom of the middle class,

accipe frāternō multum mānantia flētū,
as a wedding gift to my cousin,

atque in perpetuum, frāter, avē atque valē.
and forever, customer service, hail and farewell.

What I see at the ATM

View of a Chase ATM from the eyeballs of a tall girl in heels

Dear gomers who design ATMs.

This is what I see when I look at your creations.

“Insert check”???

I don’t see anywhere to insert a “check”!

I get actual cheques maybe once or twice a year, so I always forget where the damned slot is. (Hell, ’cause there’s usually a new model ATM installed by then, or my bank has been assimilated by another bank, Borg style.)

I stand there looking all gormless for approximately forever, and people are waiting behind me. Attractive people. Always attractive people, when I’m gormless. Waiting and judging.

Oh, right. The slot is just barely visible in the top left of the photo there. And this photo doesn’t quite accurately represent my POV because I cannot actually see that thing at all at all at all in real life without making like I’m hover-squatting over the toilet in a nightclub bathroom stall.

You have made your machine accessible to midgets and people in wheelchairs. Congrats. It is now inaccessible to tall ladies in heels.

Yes. I’m complaining about this. I have nothing better to complain about today, and well, complaining is my only hobby.

I have a thing or two to say about public water fountains as well, FYI.