November 22, 2001

Little girls often cannibalized their babies by chewing on fingers and toes, causing them to disappear altogether.

Why don’t you do us all a favour and disappear altogether?

Some experts believe the ice cap could disappear altogether by the end of the 21st Century.

Bluish or grayish Mongolian spots on the back or buttocks usually fade by school age, though they may never disappear altogether.

When bleeding occurs, your sight may become hazy, spotty or even disappear altogether.

Yet the bubble is expanding so quickly.

Religion as we know it may in the future disappear altogether.

There is good news regarding the plague, and we are hopeful, given what people say, that it will soon disappear altogether, and then, if it please God, you will not have this impediment preventing your return.

They suspect he is being tortured and could be made to ‘disappear’ altogether if there is no public outcry.

In women who are not pregnant, hyperthyroidism can affect menstrual periods, making them irregular, lighter, or disappear altogether.

Latencies become lengthened progressively to unrecordable levels as 19.

I’m trying to find them before they disappear altogether.

Side-effects of the antidepressants become less severe but do not disappear altogether.

After high school time collapses and differences in age matter less, until they disappear altogether into the complexities of a life.

How small things can actually get before they disappear altogether?

The few times I had to speak, my voice would either crack noticeably or disappear altogether.

If A = B, then the solution curve is a circle, which may degenerate to a single point or disappear altogether.

Time seems to have a way of causing some things to pass from our consciousness, or to disappear altogether.

Above some threshold, stable states of heavier nuclei disappear altogether and there is no nuclear physics at all.

At that time goodness will abound on all sides and evil will disappear altogether.

Mold will likely never disappear altogether, but there are precautionary steps that can be taken to minimize your exposure.

On the 1st of January 2002, the guilder in the Netherlands will disappear altogether and will be replaced by the euro as the common currency.

It is mighty, indeed, and yet how long do you think you could possibly refrain from boredom if she were to disappear altogether?

I am Candice. THE Candice.

Catch VD

Did fans of “The Vampire Diaries” suddenly get smarter, or did The CW not adequately promote the show’s return with their “Catch VD” campaign?

I got only one misdirected Twitter message intended for @CandiceAccola this week (from @SandyMarvsCandy — tweet included a not so very good but better than I could do so I should zip it line drawing of one Candice who is not me). Generally I get 5+ Candice Accola tweets per episode. That’s alright, really. It reminds me to watch the show (when you don’t have cable you have to actively seek out anything you want to watch). I don’t feel so bad about it. io9 thinks it’s acceptable, so… uh, fine. That’s sufficient for me to continue to feel alright about myself. They’re right, though. This week’s episode wasn’t that great.

My list of people who have tried to message Candices who aren’t me is now up to 273. Most of the messages are meant for people named Candice who are not notable in any way who have friends that aren’t very smart (I have most of those offenders filtered out in TweetDeck because they just don’t stop, even if I message them to try to explain what they’re doing wrong). The rest are meant for fans of Candice Michelle (wrestler/model/that girl from that one GoDaddy Super Bowl commercial), Candice Nicole (porn star) and sometimes Candice Swanpoel (Victoria’s Secret model).

I don’t get many messages for Candices who are not naked or scantily clad on the internet. Not even the ones that are actually for me would qualify, would they. But it’s a porny name. We Candis/Candys tend to choose the option that is not GTFO, I guess. Can’t find any Candice Olson (“Divine Design”/HGTV) nudes, but even Candice Bergen’s boobs are out there.

The other thing I’ve noticed about Candices on Twitter is that they are overwhelmingly blonde OR black. Which makes sense considering that the two most common meanings are “fire/glittering/glowing/brilliant white” and “Nubian/Ethiopian queen”. Loopiness, that. Fair or dark, and no Candices allowed in between. (“Pure” is given as a possible Latin meaning, but I don’t think that can be right given all the nudity involved.)

I’d like to add one final paragraph to point out that people who spell their name Candiss, Kandice, Kandiss, Kandyss, Candyss, Kandace, etc. are wrong. I will grudgingly accept the use of the arguably more correct Candace (the Greek form was Kandake, and presumably the second c ought to be hard). In Canada people used to ask if my name was spelled with an i or an a. After moving to Chicago they more often ask me “do you spell that with a y”. No. I fucking well do not. That’s stupid, and if you’re aware of any spellings that use a y you ought to be asking for a little more clarification that that, anyway. For instance, I used to spell my name Kahndyss on Geocities. (FYI, Candice was taken and I don’t think I was even in high school yet when I picked that username, so it doesn’t count. Spelling things wrong is the cool thing to do when you’re young. It’s still the way the kids operate. Dumbass kids.)

(While I was writing this I got a second message intended for @CandiceAccola. Someone else from Spain. They seem to really like her in Spain. Why is that?)

I don’t think there was a Saturday this week

What happened on Saturday? Was there a Saturday? Did I sleep through Saturday? Yesterday, I thought it was Saturday. I was happy about that because it meant I had one more whole day to finish some stuff that I was supposed to finish by Sunday (but that isn’t finished yet because today is inexplicably Monday instead of Sunday). Then Sean told me it was Sunday, like, now (meaning: then). Something is wrong. Did we skip ahead an entire day instead of an hour when we moved our clocks? Not that I bothered touching any of our clocks. Any clock that can’t keep track of what time it is on its own has no business being a clock. Sorry excuse for a time machine! And any clock that can’t keep track of what time it is on its own in my apartment has not been set correctly in over a year. I just don’t give a damn what bloody time it is. That’s one of the few luxuries of being broke. Doesn’t matter what time it is. I don’t have anywhere to be. Time is money, and I don’t have any of either of them. Well, as a matter of fact, I have a shit ton of time on my hands. Lemme go wash it off. Takes a lot of soap to stop the passage of time.

Angiosperm Update

It’s dead, Jim.

My theory was correct. The flower was an effort to produce offspring before its imminent death, not a sign that I was taking great care of the thing.

But every time one of my plants dies I replace it with at least three more. And eventually… I replace one death with a full-on massacre. Instead of the palm, I now have several snake plants that claim to be “virtually maintenance free”.

I took that as a challenge.

We’ll see, snake plants, we’ll see…