talking to myself during the vampire diaries

(12:33:55 AM) Candice: how are these people without jobs or families ALSO now revealed to own lakehouses
(12:34:27 AM) Candice: while most of the vampires, who could have made wise investments long ago, are squatting wherever
(12:35:19 AM) Candice: where are their parents!? wait n/m nearly all of the adults in this series have been killed already
(12:35:47 AM) Candice: except the attractive and single males
(12:35:49 AM) Candice: why is that
(12:36:24 AM) Candice: vampires love killing off MILFs?
(12:36:34 AM) Candice: or shoudl that be MsILF
(12:36:49 AM) Candice: which reminds me that i shoudl wathc the gilmroe girls again
(12:38:30 AM) Candice: because no good reason one of the scenes i remember from that is laurelai and rory talking about passersby and passerbys
(12:39:27 AM) Candice: the amount of eyebrow waggling on this show……..
(12:39:51 AM) Candice: does the CW compensate them for the massive amout of botox they’ll need later on?
(12:40:02 AM) Candice: due to forehead wrinkles due to over-acting?
(12:40:52 AM) Candice: the acting isn’t actually bad
(12:40:56 AM) Candice: the writing isn’t bad, either
(12:41:01 AM) Candice: the concept is just FUCKING HORRIBLE
(12:41:28 AM) Candice: which is probably why i watch this. completely awful is just no fun.
(12:42:22 AM) Candice: pretty good + really actually pretty good + smarmy hot guy + RETARDED PREMISE making the entire thing a joke = yes?
(12:42:48 AM) Candice: and actresses named candice
(12:42:51 AM) Candice: i’m always on their side
(12:42:58 AM) Candice: especially when they spell it correctly
(12:43:02 AM) Candice: fuck off, candace cameron

How Candice Makes Playlists

I want to let you in on my fantabulous method of creating playlists. May or may not require Winamp. Whatever player you use must allow you to search tracks/artists/whatnot by keyword. That’s probably all of them, I imagine.

Step one: You’ve got two options here. Either play any song you happen to like, or choose a random word and search for it in your audio library. For no good reason, I have chosen “terrible” as the starting point for my example.

Step two: Choose a word from the title of the track you’re listening to, or the name of the artist, or the name of the album. Search for it in your audio library. The next track you add has to include that word. Preference is to choose a word from song title #1 that is repeated in song title #2, but it’s not really important, especially if you run into song titles that are only one word long. I mean, there isn’t any sort of law regulating this shit. The only rule is that you can’t play two songs by the same artist in a row. And especially not the same album. Goddamn.

Step three: Repeat step two forever.

My playlist tonight (artist – album – track):

  1. Poe – Haunted – Terrible Thought
  2. David Usher – Little Songs – Final Thoughts and Last Day on Earth
  3. Built Like Alaska – Autumnland – Almost the Earth
  4. Strapping Young Lad – The New Black – Almost Again
  5. Meat Beat Manifesto – Acid Again – Acid Again
  6. DJ? Acucrack – Sorted – Chicks Dig Acid
  7. Rasputina – Thanks for the Ether – Dig Ophelia
  8. Peter Gabriel – Us – Digging in the Dirt (Cheated a bit here by using “dig” twice)
  9. Hawksley Workman – (Last Night We Were) The Delicious Wolves – Dirty and True
  10. Matthew Good – Hospital Music – True Love will Find You in the End

Get it? Okay. The end.

Actual excerpt from actual terrible book

From Invitation Only by Kate Brian:

“I know. It’s not easy,” Ariana said, shaking her head. She hugged her notebooks to her chest and curled her slim shoulders in against the wind, her chin tucked down so it was almost hidden behind the books. “But if you’re going to put something on a page and ask people to read it, you have to be able to handle the criticism.”

“I guess,” I said as we reached the front door to Billings. “It just seemed mean.”

Not taking the bait.

Nonexistent as Far as I’m Concerned Soup

Why is Web Soup the only TV show I can’t find on the web? Not for free, not for a fee. Not legally, not illegally. I mean, doesn’t it seem logical that of all of the shows that are online Web Soup would be one of them? Take a look at it’s title, FFS.

Especially when it’s watched by gigantic nerds, many of whom are early adopter types who (like me) have cancelled cable in favour of Hulu, Netflix, streaming from network sites (PlayOn makes this super awesome), purchasing through iTunes or Zune, etc. or (yes) torrenting?


Although, as a gigantic nerd I have generally seen most of the featured videos. But the banter! I can never absorb enough witty banter.

Poorly-written Terminator Salvation review: I saw it last night because I (well, my husband, actually :) is awesome

I was lucky enough to attend an early screening of “Terminator Salvation” last night, courtesy of the Chicago Nerd Social Club and my husband‘s ridiculous body of movie trivia knowledge (especially when it comes to Terminator), which was the means by which we wound up winning six passes.

Due to a parking mishap (trying to park in downtown Chicago is generally a mishap to begin with), we wound up near the end of the line and nearly didn’t make it into the theatre. Somebody announced to the line that the screening was at capacity, and that no one else would be let in (the tickets stated that they overbook these events to ensure a full theatre, just like those bastard airlines do). People at the front of the line, however, were not budging, for whatever reason, so we stuck around (while many others left, unfortunately including, I believe, a couple others from the CNSC who would ultimately have been let in) figuring there must be some conflicting information passing around. Turns out that despite all the nasty fine print on our tickets, we had seats reserved for us, and were ushered past all the other poor saps who had obviously also spent too much time looking for parking. Damn fine seats they were, too. Richard Roeper wound up sitting directly behind us, because although we had those two empty seats left in our row, he didn’t want to bother us to move over.

(There were, by the way, a bunch of empty seats left in the theatre during the movie. In the very front, but hey. I know they would have been gladly occupied. Very organized system you’ve got going there, AMC!)

So anyway. Zee movie. I must point out that although I very much liked and have seen the first three movies at least a zillion times, and every episode of the television series, I am not a qualified fanatic. My husband can claim that status, and as far as I know, he is still processing what he’s seen, and hasn’t come to a final determination as to his opinion. He’ll be seeing the movie at least two more times, he expects. To me, this indicates that he didn’t think the movie was bad (he stated that it didn’t “burn his retinas like ‘Alien vs. Predator'”, or something along those lines), but that he was expecting more out of it (perhaps unrealistically, with a little bit of wishful thinking, too much build-up during the wait for the release, and a veil of nostalgia which no doubt makes the first two films seem better today than if he hadn’t seen them as a child — what can ever hope compare to fond memories from our childhood?)

So this is coming from someone who basically watched “Terminator Salvation” as just another action movie, albeit one with a series of predecessors that do rank high on my list (minus some lines that they definitely could have left out of T3).

First of all, even I found myself losing my suspension of disbelief a number of times about nitpicky details and plot points, so I’m sure hardcore fans will have a lot more of that sort of thing to complain about. But I’m perhaps more prone to that sort of thing than the average person to begin with, since I’m logically-minded and have grown up consuming a lot of hard (read: sciencey) sci-fi. Everyone in my family was a Star Trek fan, and some of that nitpickiness certainly wore off on me, too. Considering these facts, most of those sorts of issues that I have can probably be written off…

I had two more reasonable problems with the movie, and they’re 1000% related. The writing and direction assume, as do most media these days, that the audience has no attention span whatsoever. The intervals between the countless firey, orange explosions were very short indeed. The constant action came at the expense of adequate plot and character development. I wouldn’t have expected the plot to be terribly complex given the nature of the movie, but I thought that characterization was brushed over detrimentally.

I realize that many of the characters were already known to us from the earlier films, so they should be somewhat familiar to us. However, we’re winessing them in a different time period, in situations that couldn’t possibly be more far removed from those we saw them in pre-Judgement Day, and they’re at different stages of their life (i.e. Kyle Reese is still a teenager in the movie, which is set in 2018). The characters and situation the movie throws at us deserved more back-story. I felt like I wanted more explanation as to what happened after Judgement Day, and how the characters wound up where they were, than the few brief lines of text that scrolled by forming the transition from 2003 to 2018.

There were also, of course, many smaller parts in the film to provide characters as obstacles or Terminator-bait. Some of these characters appeared prominently enough that I wanted to know more about them, but none of their stories were fleshed out, and their scenes seemed incomplete or uneccessary. Either don’t focus on them at all, or do something interesting with them!

But besides alllllll of that whining, I came out of the movie feeling good about it, so I don’t mean any of the above terribly harshly. Their attempt to hold the viewers’ suffering attention spans was successful, and I didn’t notice myself becoming bored at any point. The movie felt shorter than it actually was, which generally means I at least had fun watching it. The acting was satisfactory enough, during the moments the focus moved away from simply blowing shit up (I mean, I don’t think anyone really had to challenge themselves much in that respect). Christian Bale is still freakin’ hot, so win. And we all got a kick out of digital Arnold’s cameo, and his marvelous 1984-hairdo…

Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena

I don’t give a shit about the game. But I do give a shit that the short version of the game’s trailer features part of the track “Insurgence” by Cyanotic. You know… that band with that guy Sean Payne in it. Pretty good song. I wonder if he’s single? Oh, wait. Says there on that Wikipedia page that he’s married to some chick named Candice. Shucks. In any case, here’s this:

(They also used his music in some episode of “Real Sex”, but we’re not entirely sure which one — so guess what we’ve been watching a lot of lately? Also check him out in MTV’s “Parental Control”, specials for “Dead Space” and “Gears of War 2” on Sci-Fi Channel, and probably a bunch of other MTV reality nonsense that we’re not aware of yet.)

Paris Hilton is my Hero

I’m still working on properly wording the reasons why, lest any of you think I’m joking.

I am entirely serious.

Paris Hilton is a genius.

While I’m dealing with my cognitive dissonance, there’s also this:

Are people really still whining about Google Street View? Because the fucking name itself kind of implies that one would be able to view the related images from the street. There’s a reason they don’t call the site Google Toilet-Bowl Vview. I mean, I don’t know if you guys were aware, but… most streets are public property, which means that they are not private property, which means that you are not entitled to privacy on those streets, since you’re in public (am I going in circles). This is why people invented curtains and fences. Pointing a (zoom) lens at half-naked celebrities from half a mile away on a public street… kind of creepy, but entirely legal. Pointing a lens at half-naked celebrities from directly in front of them with their explicit permission… somehow potentially illegal, inappropriate, and obscene / yadda yadda yadda. A plentiful financial bounty can be yours, with the right attorney! See the power some nails and wood can give you? Build a barrier and STFU, penises. Or find a convenient knot-hole, and become rich overnight! No brains or hard work involved in either one of these strategies.

And in the case of you pathetic non-celebrities? Pff. If we can see you from the street, no doubt you’re trying to be seen. And if we can see you protesting on television, no doubt you’re trying to make a quick buck and get your fifteen minutes. Fucking hypocrites. Speaking out against what you most crave. And if you’re not on television? What the fuck. I don’t give a shit about you. Fuck off.

[edit]Extra emphasis in order to be more facetious.[/edit]

As if!

Yeah, yeah… they addressed the possibility of abortion in “Knocked Up”. Good call on that one, because otherwise I would have been pointing it out like twelve times as hard, at least. I maintain that the entire premise of that movie is fucked. That embryo would have been toast, immediately. Jew-boy would never have known about it. I guess that wouldn’t make for a very entertaining two hours, though. Eh. I have no suspension of disbelief.

Anywhom, you know that person in the theatre who spends the entire movie annoying you by sniffling and sneezing and coughing every five seconds. Hi. That’s me. I felt bad, but naturally, not that bad. Since the world revolves around me and all. My enjoyment outweighs your annoyance in importance. Times eight million.