On The Perpetual Stupidity of Women On The Internet

20SB Blog Swap 3Today’s guest post is brought to you by
Beth from b e t h i s.

This is all part of the 20 Something BloggersBlog Swap 3
Don’t forget to go check out my post over on her site.

Candice has a little bit of a rant blog, but one of those good rant blogs, not one of those annoying rant blogs (you know the type I am talking about). I tend to get into the rant myself from time to time, but I want to post a specific rant here on a topic Candice has touched on in various forms through her posts: The Perpetual Stupidity of Women On The Internet and Also In Real Life.

Now, I’ve talked about my occasional airheadedness in the past. But at least I present myself to the world with a little bit of class and intelligence. I think, in general, I am confused about why class and intelligence have fallen out of favor with young women.

Example: Facebook. If I see one more goddamn picture on Facebook (and by picture, I mean ENTIRE ALBUMS) tagged of a girl wearing a shirt as a dress and drunk or puking or sitting on some guys face or puking while sitting on some guys face, I am going to throw my computer out the window. Actually, I might just plant a virus so that all these girls get punched in the face every time they tag that shit. The question is, when did it become cool to show the world what a fucking idiot you are?

I’m not saying that I never puke while sitting on a guys face, but I don’t publicize it over and over again for the public to revel in. I don’t make albums entitled “Let’s drink up sluts!” and “My bitches, my bong.” (OK, that one is actually kind of funny) or “Sluts! Skanks!”. And I certainly do not make albums entitled “Lil’ Hottie” full of pictures THAT I TOOK OF MYSELF.

I think this trend is making our gender/generation look foolish. It actually concerns me sometimes. I am a big believer in fun, don’t get me wrong, but where are we going to draw the line?

So here is a list of cringe-worthy stupidity that women our age need to stop doing immediately:

  • Uhh, wearing uggs, sweatpants and northface jackets all the time in public. Thanks for noting this Candice (PS- stealing “clonetastic”… genius).
  • Saying “Oh, I like all music except, like, country.” and other similar phrases. You should probably think about having an opinion. It’s not offensive (or hard) to have a preference.
  • Staying in dead-end relationships/hooking up with people they don’t actually like. This one frustrates me to no end. I may be perpetually single, but at least I can last more than a week without hooking up with a random douche just out of boredom.
  • Not using birth control, or misusing birth control. … Really, ladies? We’re still doing this?
  • Getting into drunken physical altercations.

Feel free to comment with more; I’m sure there are endless examples. And like I said, by no means am I Anti-Fun, but I am more Pro-Using Brains. I think we all need to wikipedia the word “class” and learn a few things.
In summary, I need to turn my blog into a rant blog because that was way too satisfying. And as Ron Burgundy says, stay classy San Diego skanks.

Dasani Tastes Like Soap

She Prefers Dasani, originally uploaded by mckayormacky.

I can’t believe people still don’t feel like complete suckers when they buy bottled water. I can’t believe they allow themselves to be seen in public, displaying their lack of planning skills and/or braincells to the world. I don’t even have anything to add to the bottled water discussion, because it’s all been said before.

It costs more per gallon than gasoline. It’s just tap water, anyway. It has less stringent quality standards compared to municipal water. Blah blah blah. You look a fool. 10x more a fool if I see you walking around with any of that expensive imported Whole Foods shit. Fucking. What. The fuck. Is it organic hydrogen oxide? (I will leave ranting about that pretentious fucking hipster store for another day.)

And yes. Dasani tastes like soap.

The only proper use for bottled water is to store in case of emergency.

I mean, you bastards do know that bottled water is a scam, right? As in, PepsiCo and Coca-Cola knowingly created a “need” out of thin air. You do realize that there are periodicals with names like “Beverage Industry Magazine” and “Beverage Digest” that run articles asking questions like “What can we do about those pesky assholes who come to establishments where our products are served, and then insist on ordering water, preventing us from getting their money?”. I wish I could find the specific article I’m thinking of (yes, I read periodicals with names like “Beverage Industry Magazine” — do not get me drunk and start talking about soft drinks, because I will bore you to death), because it was almost in those words. But I believe it may have been something that got accessed years ago that wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone not involved in the industry.

There must be other ways to monetize stupidity. I need to start brainstorming.

(P.S. While searching for Dasani on Flickr, I found a number of photos of a child by the same name. Which is… just special.)

Stupid is a noun if I say it’s a noun.

If you have a problem with that, get off of my blog, and take your stupid with you, stupids.

I reserve the right to bastardize the English language in any way I please. I feel entitled to break the rules based on my above average knowledge of, pff, well. Everything. Breaking rules because you’re a dummy is just dumbness. But breaking them on purpose is amusing, and I’m just so durn darn smart that it’s actually impossible for me to succumb to accidental errorism. I’m a little bit modest about it sometimes, but it’s a fact — I’ve never made a mistake in my life. Anything that happens to look even a little bit mistakey is designed that way.

Do you ever have the feeling that people just don’t “get” you… Yeah… ’cause…

I guess it’s hard for the imperfect to comprehend the utter perfectness of my perfection.

I have no idea what I’m talking about.

“I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.”

I’m going to go watch The Pickup Artist.

One of these days…

…I’m going to get really bored, and stage my own UFO hoax. Whoever is behind this very elaborate one is obviously having one hell of a laugh (there’s more of this BS scattered all over the interwebs, including Flickr sites and yadda yadda, but if you click any of the links I’ve posted here, you’ll be able to find them — I’m not made of copypasta!)

I look forward to following this one. My favourite part is always where the people on the UFO forums all say “I work with Photoshop professionally, and if this is a phoney, it’s a very good one!” (i.e. the board you’ll get to by clicking “elaborate” above). Yeah. Saturated white backgrounds make it extremely difficult to airbrush things out…


I love how the artist here has used several screen names to post pictures to a number of different sites, and gotten a few friends involved to pose as multiple witnesses. It makes the whole thing so much more “authentic” and hilarious.

What are you doing under there?

Okay, look. What’s so scandalous about seeing some random celebrity’s panties? Panties have several purposes. One of them is to cover up vaginas. You are meant to see the panties. That means they’re working, and you’re not seeing vagina. I really don’t understand what’s so embarrassing about being seen in your undies, either. The only difference between a bra and panties and a bikini is the fabric they’re made of, and women happily walk about on the beach in a bikini. And when they do, their isn’t a similar shocked and appalled reaction to OMG vagina hidden only by a thin layer of lycra/spandex. Are we all still in kindergarten?

Now, full on vag shot, that’s something else. And I’m 100% convinced, never accidental. Whores.