Dasani Tastes Like Soap



She Prefers Dasani, originally uploaded by mckayormacky.

I can’t believe people still don’t feel like complete suckers when they buy bottled water. I can’t believe they allow themselves to be seen in public, displaying their lack of planning skills and/or braincells to the world. I don’t even have anything to add to the bottled water discussion, because it’s all been said before.

It costs more per gallon than gasoline. It’s just tap water, anyway. It has less stringent quality standards compared to municipal water. Blah blah blah. You look a fool. 10x more a fool if I see you walking around with any of that expensive imported Whole Foods shit. Fucking. What. The fuck. Is it organic hydrogen oxide? (I will leave ranting about that pretentious fucking hipster store for another day.)

And yes. Dasani tastes like soap.

The only proper use for bottled water is to store in case of emergency.

I mean, you bastards do know that bottled water is a scam, right? As in, PepsiCo and Coca-Cola knowingly created a “need” out of thin air. You do realize that there are periodicals with names like “Beverage Industry Magazine” and “Beverage Digest” that run articles asking questions like “What can we do about those pesky assholes who come to establishments where our products are served, and then insist on ordering water, preventing us from getting their money?”. I wish I could find the specific article I’m thinking of (yes, I read periodicals with names like “Beverage Industry Magazine” — do not get me drunk and start talking about soft drinks, because I will bore you to death), because it was almost in those words. But I believe it may have been something that got accessed years ago that wasn’t meant to be seen by anyone not involved in the industry.

There must be other ways to monetize stupidity. I need to start brainstorming.

(P.S. While searching for Dasani on Flickr, I found a number of photos of a child by the same name. Which is… just special.)

25 thoughts on “Dasani Tastes Like Soap

  1. Oxygen bars?

    I don’t know, sell something that isn’t owned by anyone, free, and relatively abundant

    Moon estate?
    Trees?

    Sell “smart in a can”
    Smart water? Lolz

    Sell animals in the jungle, create an “adopt-an-animal” service lolz, like adopt an orphan for 10 cents a day.

    What if those Dsani fools are REUSING the bottles?! Wahh

  2. Oxygen bars?

    I don’t know, sell something that isn’t owned by anyone, free, and relatively abundant

    Moon estate?
    Trees?

    Sell “smart in a can”
    Smart water? Lolz

    Sell animals in the jungle, create an “adopt-an-animal” service lolz, like adopt an orphan for 10 cents a day.

    What if those Dsani fools are REUSING the bottles?! Wahh

  3. Some of those people are reusing the bottles, but I’m thinking they’re in the minority. Those things get beat up pretty damn fast. If I’m going out and think I’ll need water, I have myself a nifty green thingamaboodle.

    Somebody is already selling property on the moon, ya know. Just as dumb as that Star Registry BS.

  4. Some of those people are reusing the bottles, but I’m thinking they’re in the minority. Those things get beat up pretty damn fast. If I’m going out and think I’ll need water, I have myself a nifty green thingamaboodle.

    Somebody is already selling property on the moon, ya know. Just as dumb as that Star Registry BS.

  5. Fuck, and checking Google… people are now reselling their moon property. I need to break into this highly lucrative lunar real estate industry…

  6. Fuck, and checking Google… people are now reselling their moon property. I need to break into this highly lucrative lunar real estate industry…

  7. Yeah…nothing wrong with tap water. I usually buy flavoured bottled water (so at least I’m paying for something other than water), drink half, fill the rest up with tap water (it still tastes flavoured), drink half, repeat. I think it’s pretty genius, but hopefully people like you don’t mistake me for a fool.

  8. Yeah…nothing wrong with tap water. I usually buy flavoured bottled water (so at least I’m paying for something other than water), drink half, fill the rest up with tap water (it still tastes flavoured), drink half, repeat. I think it’s pretty genius, but hopefully people like you don’t mistake me for a fool.

  9. It’s been going on for decades though. There’s many people who believe their tap water is unhealthy, so they buy water coolers from Alhambra and Arrowhead, and use Brita Water filters. Hell, I remember my grandfather buying this huge water purifying system where I had to fill a tank full of epsom salts.

  10. It’s been going on for decades though. There’s many people who believe their tap water is unhealthy, so they buy water coolers from Alhambra and Arrowhead, and use Brita Water filters. Hell, I remember my grandfather buying this huge water purifying system where I had to fill a tank full of epsom salts.

  11. Anyone who worries if their water is unhealthy can often get it tested for free by their local water department. The only thing I worry about even a little bit at my apartment is possible lead, because they building is fairly old, which is why I only use cold water for cooking or drinking. But if I was really concerned, I’d make full use of some free testing.

    A big tank full of salt sounds like a water softener rather than a purifier (though, it could be either), but yes, my tap water tastes kind of icky, so I do use a filter. Still sure is cheaper than buying bottled. I doubly don’t understand why people who don’t have cars (like me) would bother lugging that stuff home. I live next to a grocery store, and I watch them do it every day. Lunacy.

  12. Anyone who worries if their water is unhealthy can often get it tested for free by their local water department. The only thing I worry about even a little bit at my apartment is possible lead, because they building is fairly old, which is why I only use cold water for cooking or drinking. But if I was really concerned, I’d make full use of some free testing.

    A big tank full of salt sounds like a water softener rather than a purifier (though, it could be either), but yes, my tap water tastes kind of icky, so I do use a filter. Still sure is cheaper than buying bottled. I doubly don’t understand why people who don’t have cars (like me) would bother lugging that stuff home. I live next to a grocery store, and I watch them do it every day. Lunacy.

  13. do not get me drunk and start talking about soft drinks, because I will bore you to death

    Hmm, you know, if ever I should decide to get a girl drunk, soft drinks would probably not be my conversation topic of choice …

    Regarding bottled water, I hardly ever drink that. My mother recently bought one of those kits to make your own soft drinks, and I’ve been thinking about getting one of those too. Essentially, soft drinks are nothing more than carbonated water with some added flavoring anyway.

  14. do not get me drunk and start talking about soft drinks, because I will bore you to death

    Hmm, you know, if ever I should decide to get a girl drunk, soft drinks would probably not be my conversation topic of choice …

    Regarding bottled water, I hardly ever drink that. My mother recently bought one of those kits to make your own soft drinks, and I’ve been thinking about getting one of those too. Essentially, soft drinks are nothing more than carbonated water with some added flavoring anyway.

  15. Pingback: Discordian Research Technology » Dasani Tastes Like Soap

  16. I found this in the archives from Restaurant Business, 1995:

    “WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THERE is to worry about today, why should operators worry about something as mundane as water? The answer, of course, is because customers worry about it. One in six American households drinks bottled water, according to the International Bottled Water Association. Per-capita consumption hit 9.9 gallons in 1992, a three-fold jump in a decade. What’s leading folks to water? Health, flavor and status. Media reports of tainted public water supplies make bottled water look good by comparison. And more consumers are turning to it for a lighter and non-caloric refreshment. In some quarters, it’s chic to be seen swigging a sleek bottle of mineral water. Some brands have capitalized on this by releasing specially designed bottles for foodservice. Perrier’s festive “art bottles” are eye-catching on the table top. Evian’s elegant n limited-edition bottle salutes the culinary arts.

    Small wonder people care about water when they’re away from home. Bottled water is one of the best-selling products in hotel room mini-bars.

    It’s expected in fine restaurants, too. “We feel it’s an important part of the dining experience,” says Jack Weiss, manager of Coco Pazzo, the stylish Italian restaurant in Chicago. “It’s important to provide a water of quality along with the fine linen, silver, china and the best wines.” Coco Pazzo offers San Pellegrino in 500-ml. and liter bottles. The former is chosen as refreshment on its own, or, occasionally, mixed with a fruit juice or an alcoholic drink. The latter comes in handy for a table of patrons who wish to share their mineral water in the European fashion. Between the two sizes, the restaurant does “quite a bit of business” in water, Weiss says.

    And while Coco Pazzo’s cosmopolitan customers are as health conscious as any, that’s not the only reason they sip bottled water. Many of them have developed a taste for it while traveling abroad, Weiss points out. He speaks for many when he says, “When I’m dining, I don’t care for the odor of chlorine in my water. It interferes with the enjoyment of my meal.”

    Here is this interesting post from The WSJ May 2007: “Restaurants are in a bind these days as “green” pressure mounts to cut down on the plastic and glass waste from the bottled waters that have become popular in recent years. Yet many feel tap water isn’t fancy enough. So they’re dressing up plain old spigot water by installing expensive triple-filters and “reverse osmosis” systems. They’re filling carafes with Japanese charcoal, running water through special stones to add minerals, and serving house-made seltzer.

    It might take some time before diners catch on. Incanto trains waiters to begin each meal by telling customers about the free sparkling or flat tap water — but patrons don’t always believe it’s free. Mr. [Mark Pastori] says about 5% of customers “are so conditioned that they are having something sold to them that they snap, ‘I’ll just have the tap.'”

    RESTAURANT/CITY: Grace and BLD/Los Angeles ON TAP: Flat water filtered through a reverse-osmosis system COMMENT: Taster found the filtered water at BLD more subtle than tap, though it had a slight chlorine smell. An order of Panna-brand bottled water had no off smell. RESTAURANT/CITY: L’Etoile/Madison, Wis. ON TAP: Filtered tap water COMMENT: In the past year, bottled-water sales have skyrocketed after a series of impurity scares with the local tap water, co-owner Traci Miller says.”

    -bye

  17. I found this in the archives from Restaurant Business, 1995:

    “WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THERE is to worry about today, why should operators worry about something as mundane as water? The answer, of course, is because customers worry about it. One in six American households drinks bottled water, according to the International Bottled Water Association. Per-capita consumption hit 9.9 gallons in 1992, a three-fold jump in a decade. What’s leading folks to water? Health, flavor and status. Media reports of tainted public water supplies make bottled water look good by comparison. And more consumers are turning to it for a lighter and non-caloric refreshment. In some quarters, it’s chic to be seen swigging a sleek bottle of mineral water. Some brands have capitalized on this by releasing specially designed bottles for foodservice. Perrier’s festive “art bottles” are eye-catching on the table top. Evian’s elegant n limited-edition bottle salutes the culinary arts.

    Small wonder people care about water when they’re away from home. Bottled water is one of the best-selling products in hotel room mini-bars.

    It’s expected in fine restaurants, too. “We feel it’s an important part of the dining experience,” says Jack Weiss, manager of Coco Pazzo, the stylish Italian restaurant in Chicago. “It’s important to provide a water of quality along with the fine linen, silver, china and the best wines.” Coco Pazzo offers San Pellegrino in 500-ml. and liter bottles. The former is chosen as refreshment on its own, or, occasionally, mixed with a fruit juice or an alcoholic drink. The latter comes in handy for a table of patrons who wish to share their mineral water in the European fashion. Between the two sizes, the restaurant does “quite a bit of business” in water, Weiss says.

    And while Coco Pazzo’s cosmopolitan customers are as health conscious as any, that’s not the only reason they sip bottled water. Many of them have developed a taste for it while traveling abroad, Weiss points out. He speaks for many when he says, “When I’m dining, I don’t care for the odor of chlorine in my water. It interferes with the enjoyment of my meal.”

    Here is this interesting post from The WSJ May 2007: “Restaurants are in a bind these days as “green” pressure mounts to cut down on the plastic and glass waste from the bottled waters that have become popular in recent years. Yet many feel tap water isn’t fancy enough. So they’re dressing up plain old spigot water by installing expensive triple-filters and “reverse osmosis” systems. They’re filling carafes with Japanese charcoal, running water through special stones to add minerals, and serving house-made seltzer.

    It might take some time before diners catch on. Incanto trains waiters to begin each meal by telling customers about the free sparkling or flat tap water — but patrons don’t always believe it’s free. Mr. [Mark Pastori] says about 5% of customers “are so conditioned that they are having something sold to them that they snap, ‘I’ll just have the tap.'”

    RESTAURANT/CITY: Grace and BLD/Los Angeles ON TAP: Flat water filtered through a reverse-osmosis system COMMENT: Taster found the filtered water at BLD more subtle than tap, though it had a slight chlorine smell. An order of Panna-brand bottled water had no off smell. RESTAURANT/CITY: L’Etoile/Madison, Wis. ON TAP: Filtered tap water COMMENT: In the past year, bottled-water sales have skyrocketed after a series of impurity scares with the local tap water, co-owner Traci Miller says.”

    -bye

  18. Not the one I was looking for, but it’ll definitely do! What’s this about “free” water, though?

  19. Not the one I was looking for, but it’ll definitely do! What’s this about “free” water, though?

  20. It’s a bonus article. I have a fat Proquest account through my public library, and I tried to research your quote, but there were many articles and I was at work, so I just kind of info dumped.

    It was funny, many articles go back to 87 where they are beginning to talk about the bottled water phenomena and it’s growth potential, but the gist of the articles were about fear of shitty water quality vs getting people to pay for water.

    The second article shows you how public perceptions are changing and what restaurants are doing about it.

  21. It’s a bonus article. I have a fat Proquest account through my public library, and I tried to research your quote, but there were many articles and I was at work, so I just kind of info dumped.

    It was funny, many articles go back to 87 where they are beginning to talk about the bottled water phenomena and it’s growth potential, but the gist of the articles were about fear of shitty water quality vs getting people to pay for water.

    The second article shows you how public perceptions are changing and what restaurants are doing about it.

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    PRICES of ALL MEDICINES!

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  24. Cool, I was missing a few words linked to “SPAM” here (http://shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi), and this message at least contributed to the necessary change of thinking needed to fill in some more boxes.

    If you’re strapped for time, don’t go to that link, because you’ll get addicted to this puzzle and spend the next week or two trying to solve it.

  25. Cool, I was missing a few words linked to “SPAM” here (http://shygypsy.com/farm/p.cgi), and this message at least contributed to the necessary change of thinking needed to fill in some more boxes.

    If you’re strapped for time, don’t go to that link, because you’ll get addicted to this puzzle and spend the next week or two trying to solve it.

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