When I was very little

I used to think that picking your nose would stretch it out, and that’s why some people had big noses. Those people were the gold diggers. Well, that was my hypothesis, anyway. I knew that I didn’t have any supporting evidence, and I didn’t really have the means to carry out controlled experiments. So it remained a totally unconfirmed theory.

I was a weird little kid.

But it kept me from picking my nose…

Best Skins Ever Order Confirmation

Just ordered a new Best Skin Ever for my MP3 player (and they really are good — and cheap!)

This is from the order confirmation page:

Try not to mistake this envelope for junk mail and throw it out. Yes, this happens

Tell your mom, wife or girlfriend about Best Skins Ever before your order arrives. She thinks the word Skin means pr0n and she will throw it out before you ever see it. Yes, this happens too

I dunno, I just enjoyed that.

I’m going to go back to bed now. I think my neck is broken, and this sitting around on the computer thing isn’t helping.

The toppings contain sodium benzoate.

You know that something is seriously bad for you in a list of ingredients when the manufacturers have decided that they need to include an excuse for adding it on the packaging, i.e. “sodium benzoate (to preserve freshness)”. This is an even better rule of thumb than “if you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it.” Especially since I’m not an idiot, and know how to read quite well, thank you very much. Besides… check out Wikipedia’s list of vitamins. How many of those do you think the average moron can pronounce? There would be a lot of people walking around with scurvy, rickets, night-blindness, anemia, dropsy, the grip, scrofula, the vapors, jungle rot, dandy fever, poor man’s gout, housemaid’s knee, climactic boo bow, the staggers, and dum dum fever if everybody took that shit seriously. And I suppose that the illiterate aren’t allowed to eat at all? Is this why all of those Africans are starving?

Writing cheques to myself

is one of my favourite things ever.

Pay to the order of: Me. Signed: Me. Endorse here: Me.

This one has a bald eagle and an American flag on it. I feel so… patriotic. Despite not being a citizen and all. Hurray for for sample cheques! I’ve never, ever used them all up. Who the hell writes cheques anymore?

I’m so tired. So very tired.

Is it retarded that I intend to go 45 minutes out of my way today in order to purchase particular cleaning supplies?

I was going to write something else, but I have the memory of… someone who doesn’t have a very long memory at all.

Why am I so unable to sleep, lately?

Okay, Internets

Now that you’ve started working again at 3am… did my smellphone post ever make it through? Hm. I see that half of it did. Well, spectacular. I lose already! Bah, nevermind. As far as I am concerned, it is the 3rd until I fall asleep and wake up. Because it’s still Friday night, not Saturday morning. (Besides, my sign up e-mail for NaBloPoMo appears to have bounced?)

My Internet has been going up and down for three or four days. And it’s slow as hell when it’s up. Comcast is sending out a tech on Sunday. They won’t fix my problem. I know this because I am psychic. S’true!

I’m hitting publish while there’s still time, kids. Bye now!

You know what, WordPress? I’m sick of you always asking me for a title.

Know what I don’t miss? (Well, not that I can anymore.) PMS. I switched off of NuvaRing because of, er… female issues… (Sucks, because other than those issues it was much less of a pain in the ass than anything else I’ve tried.) Right now I’m using other methods, and whhheeeee… I forgot allllll about mood swings and zits. Yay for both of those! I was used to the lovely plateau I was constantly stuck on. Not too high, not too low. But especially not too high. Now, though… Back to crying at toothpaste commercials (and oh god, it’s almost Christmas cellphone commercial season) and exploding for no particular reason. Sorry Sean. Although, you were kind of being a jerk tonight. I think. Hard to tell. PMS brainfog of evil! Also, red wine. And not even good stuff. Box wine. Who left this here? Dan, I think? Well, Dan… you’re fired.

In other brain-squashing news… Internet got turned off, because who knew!? You gotta pay for that shit! Whoops. Currently connected through my cellphone, plugged in through USB, set as a modem. Good thing I hacked that shit long ago. Ahhh, T-Mobile. Weren’t counting on me being able to get proper GPRS when you sold me $5.99 unlimited data transfer, were you! The only web access enabled without messing around with things you’re not meant to mess around with is the part where they try to sell you $2 ringtones. Fuck that shit. Anyway, as cool as I am, this is slow as something that is really, really goddamn slow. Even with images turned off. How am I going to check MySpace now!?

Maybe I’m old-fashioned

I don’t think that the comment box is the place for conversations. Conversations belong in e-mail, on e-mail lists, or on forums. Maybe that’s just me. But the format just doesn’t really… work… properly. Bleh. I hardly ever check back to old posts to see if anyone has replied. How good do you think my memory is? My intention probably wasn’t to be responded to, anyway. I have coComment installed, but I don’t make use of it. I hate weblogs. If you’ve got one that gets more than a couple of comments per entry, you need to integrate it with a forum, kthx.

Dear computer, please be more convenient.

Firefox requires a plugin that alters the function of the page-down function so that when I press it, any image that is partly on the screen (cut off by the bottom) is placed at the top of the screen (and not cut off by the top). That would be good. Someone make this for me.