Hey, great!

It finally came to me. The terrible, dreadful, awful, evil, nagging feeling I’ve been experiencing for at least the last year is impatience of a particularly anxiously irritating variety. If only this knowledge helped me in any way, whatsoever. And as far as I know, it will last indefinitely, because I haven’t a clue what I’m so busy being impatient about. Damned distracting. Stupid all-consuming impatience, eliminating my attention span completely! I find this state of being to be quite unacceptable. I guess that it will end whenever I figure out what I’m waiting around for. And then I will say “finally”, and go on to find some other excuse for my rotting brain. But yeah. Jesus fuck shit piss. Liquor.

That’s my big complaint. The little one is this: do you know how many damned papercuts you wind up with if you work at Kinko’s? Carl Sagan would be able to tell you… (Billions and billions).

Red means go!

The next time someone honks at me for not turning right on a green light when there are pedestrians are crossing the street, I think I will put my car into reverse. Okay, I won’t. But seriously, do they want me to run those people over so that they can get to work faster? It seems like the only reason anyone ever honks on me is because I’m avoiding doing something illegal. Like stopping at a stop sign or red light, or not turning right in front of a bus… WTF.

(A search for “run pedestrians over” on Google leads to an image on Flikr with the title “Please don’t run over pedestrians. They cross here.” I disagree. The crosswalk in the photo leads to a Church of Scientology branch…)

If only it was this simple…

I was watching the extras on The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy DVD last night. Included is the second half of the Guide entry about Babel fish that describes how irreducible complexity proves that God doesn’t exist. The logic is just about on the level of that used by Intelligent Design morons. Actually, I take that back. It’s at least several thousand times more advanced (okay, I’m just being snarky :) Can we apply this reasoning to eyeballs or flagella as well, plz?

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes like this: “I refuse to prove that I exist”, says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”

“But”, says Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”

“Oh dear”, says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

Ah, Douglas Adams… He was very much ahead of the times.

But, wait. Nevermind. Intelligent Design has nothing to do with God, religion or faith. It’s a good thing, because if they screw up one of these days and accidentally stumble upon some real facts or evidence, it would denigrate their presupposed beliefs to the level of despicable, despicable science…

[EDIT]: Okay, well. Ack. Douglas Adams was ahead of his time, and is probably also rolling in his grave. I’ve seen people quote the passage above to make fun of Intelligent Design before, but a Google search reveals that these IDiots are also using it as an allegory to demonstrate their argument (they really don’t know a joke when they see one, huh). Asshats. Hands off! You have your Good Book, and I have mine.

Also, they struggle with the very issue DNA pointed out. What is God without faith? And OMG! What would happen if Intelligent Design actually did prove God! Wouldn’t that undermine Christianity? There are more than a few people out there that think this, and if they’re going to believe something stupid anyway, I fully support this viewpoint, because at least they’ll stop bullshitting about science. Because seriously. Proof is dangerous! Belief that isn’t based on irrational superstition doesn’t count, because faith should be enough, they say. And I’m sorry, but once I’m given facts, they’re going to take precedence over everything else. Therefore, evidence for ID would prevent me from ever having faith, and probably condemn me to hell. They don’t want that, do they?

Yeah, I’m not going to read any more about this right now. I hate the “we don’t need no steenking facts” argument. This is why run away from preachy religious types. Even if you finally get them to accept that there’s no way they’re going to convince you of anything without facts to back things up, and to admit that they really don’t have any facts, they just start ranting about how you’re being stubborn and shallow to require them in the first place. And how do you argue with someone who’s essentially saying “Hi! I’m full of shit, and I’m better than you because of it!”

I have to return that DVD now, anyway.

Hay everybody!

I don’t think I even mentioned that I was going anywhere… but you might have noticed a conspicuous silence. I’ve been out on tour for the last 10 days or so with Cyanotic, acting as official scantily-clad groupie / merch bitch. I’m still on tour actually… last day (not counting one more show about a week from now). I’m in a dressing room in Milwaukee drinking free beer and partaking of the delicious veggie and cheese trays while stealing me some neighbourhood internet. I’m so glad that people are stupid, and don’t know how to secure their shit. Connections named “default” and “linksys” have been my saviours this whole tour. The “rockstars” are out wandering the streets at the moment, so I have a few minutes to download RSS feeds (Candice, you n3rd) and enjoy some goddamn fucking silence (die, extroverts, die)… I’ll post more when I’m back in Indiana, where there is less free Stoli and absolutely nothing to do. Oh. Except find a job. Moving to Chicago September 1st. Somebody hire me. I can do er… computery things and televisiony things. They both kind of suck, but anyway. Job. Give. Me. Now. Candice. Broke. Going to sign off now, though… While I can still spell.