I keep seeing commercials for Vagisil’s new yeast infection screening kit. It includes two screening wands that you’re meant to stick up your cunt and watch for a colour change, and a colour guide to match the wand to. Depending on what colour the wand turns, the instructions indicate what sort of an infection you might have. The kit costs about $15. Which is retarded. Because I can buy a container of 100 pH test strips for about $1.50. But then, I’d probably have to touch my vagina. Oh. Em. Gee. Or I could pay my $20 copay to go to a doctor in order to get a proper diagnosis, but that might be embarrassing.
Seriously. If there’s something wrong with your cooch and you’re unsure enough about what it might be that you’d buy Vagisil’s crap on a stick, you need a doctor. Go to a frigging doctor.
At least until someone in the states comes out with a useful test, like this Savvycheck: DIY Yeast Diagnosis doohickey that I found while searching for Vagisil’s hunk o’ junk. It’s actually pretty cool… It contains anti-yeast antibodies that react with infection antigens, if they are present, causing the test line to turn blue. There ought to be more home testing kits like this. The cost of going to a doctor and then having lab tests done is ridiculous — and this Savvycheck thing apparently has 90% accuracy.
Unlike a pH testing wand that may or may not indicate that it’s kind of sort of possible that you have some type of infection, maybe, and it might be a yeast infection, but it’s not absolutely certain, so you just wasted your $15, now get yourself to a doctor anyway, like you should have done in the first place.
According to an article in the New York Times, Out-of-Body Experience? Your Brain Is to Blame, out-of-body experiences are not paranormal or supernatural at all. They can be triggered by applying electric current to certain parts of the brain, and may also be caused as a reaction to conflicting information about body position. I for one, am shocked by this discovery.
Of course, nobody who wants to believe that they can leave their body will have trouble explaining this science away. What nonsense will they come up with this time? I can’t wait to see.
Otherwise known as ACHOO syndrome, despite the word dominant in the name (pretty dumb, isn’t it?), Autosomal Dominant Compelling Helio-Ophthalmic Outburst Syndrome is the name for a crazy sneezing reflex that 20-30% of people (myself included) experience when they look into a bright light. Photic sneeze reflex is another, much less stupidous name for this. I am not a fan of backronyms… I got this BS from my dad.
(I’ve got a cold, so I was Googling about sneezes for no particular reason.)
There isn’t a name that I know of for sneezing when plucking your eyebrows, but I’m afflicted with that one, too, and so are plenty of other poor women, says Google. God bless us. I sneeze two or three times in the sun, usually when it hits my eyes at a certain angle while I’m driving (not cool, since sneezing makes your eyes close — Wikipedia says that I wouldn’t be allowed to be a combat pilot for the same reason), but two or three times for every hair I pluck near the insides of my brows is just freakin’ annoying!
Kevin Trudeau’s book of bullshit Natural Cures ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know About is a bestseller? According to The Daily Show, anyhoo. People are stupidlyer than I thought. And I didn’t think that they were generally very smart to begin with. Even if it was rational for people watching the infomercial to believe that there were natural cures to diabetes/cancer/herpes that somehow hadn’t already been on the front page of the newspaper because there’s some sinister they keeping them a secret… shouldn’t it offend their sensibilities just a wee to have Kevin pretend to be the good guy (and he is not ), to hear him claim that they won’t let the secrets get out because “it’s all about the money”, and then to be asked to fork over $29.95 for the book (BTW, the cures aren’t even in the book — you also need to subscribe to the newsletter and mailing list for extra $$$ for those)? Let me tell you… I contemplated “losing” the copy of the infomercial that my TV station had more than a few times. Not only is Kevin Trudeau taking advantage of people, but he’s a complete and utter moron, and the infomercial is just bloody annoying. Possibly moreso than The 700 Club. Wait. No. Nothing beats The 700 Club. Not even Bill O’Reilly (speaking of Billy boy… I think I agreed with him for the first time ever when he spoke out against Kevin Trudeau recently).
This is my favourite part of the infomercial:
There are health freedoms in this country that are being taken away from us. There are more people sick today than ever before. There are more people that are overweight. There are more people that have diabetes. There are more people that have cancer. There are more people that have heart disease. There are more people that have migraine headaches. There are more people that have arthritis. There are more people that have virtually every major health abnormality.
Yes, Kevy. There are more people. Period. Point, plz? He sounds like enough of an idiot here even before anyone gets around to pointing out anything about better diagnosis or treatment of these diseases (i.e. nobody had epilepsy in the 16th century, when it was so obvious at the time that the symptoms were caused by demons (also the cause of just about every other disease, I’m sure), and that the cure was exorcism — that’s an increase in the number of cases of oh… infinity percent), or that people are also living longer than ever before… Yes, it’s so obvious. Modern medicine is failing us. Miserably.
Which reminds me how happy I am that I no longer work at Fox. I will never again have to watch 12 infomercials over a weekend, Fox News Sunday, or The 700 Club. We all know that I still will, because I just love getting myself angry… but I don’t have to anymore. I am doing a little dance of joy right now, but you can’t see it.