I keep seeing commercials for Vagisil’s new yeast infection screening kit. It includes two screening wands that you’re meant to stick up your cunt and watch for a colour change, and a colour guide to match the wand to. Depending on what colour the wand turns, the instructions indicate what sort of an infection you might have. The kit costs about $15. Which is retarded. Because I can buy a container of 100 pH test strips for about $1.50. But then, I’d probably have to touch my vagina. Oh. Em. Gee. Or I could pay my $20 copay to go to a doctor in order to get a proper diagnosis, but that might be embarrassing.

Seriously. If there’s something wrong with your cooch and you’re unsure enough about what it might be that you’d buy Vagisil’s crap on a stick, you need a doctor. Go to a frigging doctor.

At least until someone in the states comes out with a useful test, like this Savvycheck: DIY Yeast Diagnosis doohickey that I found while searching for Vagisil’s hunk o’ junk. It’s actually pretty cool… It contains anti-yeast antibodies that react with infection antigens, if they are present, causing the test line to turn blue. There ought to be more home testing kits like this. The cost of going to a doctor and then having lab tests done is ridiculous — and this Savvycheck thing apparently has 90% accuracy.

Unlike a pH testing wand that may or may not indicate that it’s kind of sort of possible that you have some type of infection, maybe, and it might be a yeast infection, but it’s not absolutely certain, so you just wasted your $15, now get yourself to a doctor anyway, like you should have done in the first place.