Real life needs more foreshadowing.

…

Harry Potter has some of the worst foreshadowing of any book I have ever read. It’s so obvious. Couldn’t be much more so by putting the end of the book at the beginning. Sure, it’s a kids book. But that isn’t any excuse for such bad writing. I really can’t see what’s so great about the series (maybe I’ll ask my little brother). It’s written in a style that reminds me of my own. In grade three. Except that some of my jokes were funny. The ones in Harry Potter get about halfway, which is more pathetic than having none at all. But if that’s what becomes a bestseller, um, that’s it… I’m becoming a writer…

…

I need to get to a library, in order to find something better to read than my little brother’s copy of Harry Potter. The universe apparently wants me to read Vonnegut. I’ll do it, okay? All eight of you can shut up about it now… Guh.

…

I have a strange urge to watch “Biodome” right now. Is there something necessarily wrong with me?

Personally, I think the line in that Depeche Mode “Dream On” song would be better if they changed “giving” to “given.” Not that you can tell the difference.

I had some problems with the phrase “dating the sphinx” tonight. I couldn’t figure out for a good five minutes that it meant figuring out how old it was. I need to get to sleep, I think.

Anyway. I’m not going to do that. I’m going to make myself a lovely website. That looks like the rest of the internet. With lots of little tables outlined with one-pixel-wide white borders on a dark (but never black) background. And grid patterns layered onto all of my graphics. And a navigation bar with little white-all-capital-helvetica links. Guh. And a monochromatic colour scheme. And then I’m going to bang my head against a brick wall. So maybe it’s pretty. I hate it, though. And I’m going to scream in a minute, if I see one more of these. I’d link to some, but I don’t think anyone needs help finding one.

I have the word “corn” written on my left hand, and I don’t remember why. At least, I think it says “corn.” It seems as though it might say “porn,” instead. Also, the O looks a little bit like it might be an A. I hope that this wasn’t about anything important.

Multiple choice.
This is very easy.
Name this object:

a) file
b) folder

If you can’t figure it out, these two sentences may help you.
Which of these is correct:

a) I am going to put my file into this file.
b) I am going to put my file into this folder.

If you still don’t know which answer is correct, I’m afraid you will be removed from this planet immediately.
Along with anyone who pronounces GIF with a J.

Press any key to continue.

[NumLock]
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[NumLock]
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[NumLock]
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This doesn’t appear to be working.

[Shift][Shift][Shift][Shift][Shift]…

Um…

[PrintScreen]…

No.

[ScrollLock]…

No.

[Pause/Break][CapsLock][CTRL][ALT]

No, no, no, no.

Excuse me… ANY key?
Lying bastard computer.

Cool Whip: an edible oil product!
Yeah, that’s probably what I would use as one of my big selling points if I was in charge of marketing at Kraft.
Why would anybody see this written on the tub and follow through with the purchase?

Oh yeah. I got my Tim Horton’s job. Woo… I’m so SO happy about that. I really am. Really. Dammit. Gotta get my uniform on Monday. They don’t come in my size. I had better invest in a belt. eee.

I just applied to Tim Horton’s. I can feel the doom coming upon me… Doom, DOOM!!! I’m doomed!

i’m in the lounge of the calgary airport. pretty nifty. i tried to check my e-mail, but it wouldn’t work. okay, i’m going to leave now…

This website makes me feel smart.

“You smell” vs. “you stink”:
you could smell good.