Isn’t technology wonderful? I hate Jesus.

You should be able to access this site using any WAP-enabled phone now. Same URL and everything. And *I* can post to the site from my phone, because I discovered that my host allows Cron Jobs. Yippee for me — like it’ll ever be necessary, since I never go anywhere! Except the couch. I guess this means that I can post now when Sean is monopolizing the computer…

I went to the doctor a couple of days ago. The office had samples of some of my prescriptions, so I got out of having to pay for them for a while. The doctor gave them to me in a plastic bag with the name of some other drug plastered all over it (guess mine didn’t come with its own) . Who would want to walk around advertising what pills they’re taking?

My sister sent me a GMail invite. So now I am ten times awesomer. (But how the hell did she get one, without even trying?) Even if I don’t use it, because really… I have my own domain name with POP mail and webmail, and it’s much more useful that way. Maybe I will find some purpose for the account, other than to make me feel important. But feeling important is good, as far as that goes. And maybe I will succeed in feeling that way for a few more minutes, even.

For I am Master of Word and Excel. And well on my way to becoming a glorified secretary. Huzzah for office testing, and huzzah for staffing agencies.

I was wondering during the test, though — why should a situation ever come up where something that is already typed, printed out, and lying in front of me needs to be re-typed and re-printed out? It’s obviously already come from a computer. Why not just leave it on the damn computer and e-mail it to me? Stupid management. Perhaps I’d type faster if only I didn’t think the effort was so completely pointless. Or not. I really don’t type that fast at all, for somebody who’s been using computers for eighteen years.

So I am only a Good typist.

But I am an Exceptional proofreader. Despite having no idea what specific style and formatting preferences the nonexistant memo assumed that I would automatically know and agree with. At least I figured that they’d want to do punctuation the dumb way and put it inside the quotation marks. Which makes no logical sense to me, unless the punctuation is part of the quotation. Stupid North America. But how the hell do I know whether they want AM or am or A.M. or a.m.? Hm? I guessed AM.

(P.S. — If it’s correct to use a question mark at the end of a sentence that ends with an abbreviation, why shouldn’t I use a second period if it’s not a question? Rubbish, I think.)

I don’t understand the connection between September 11th, 2001 and July 4th, 1776. America is a little obsessive, lately.

America, what does this ink blot remind you of? 9/11.

What does this ink blot remind you of? 9/11.

How about this one? Guess.

Can we just rename every single holiday “Freedom Day”? Set off some Freedomworks? Drink some Freedom Beers?

Has America been sucked into some kind of causality black hole, so that everything past, present, and future now has a direct cause-effect relationship to some buildings falling down on September 11th, 2001? Sounds like something I would see on Star Trek, not FOX News.

…

You know, I don’t think it’s a good idea to make the Freedom Tower the tallest building in the world. It’s not really fair to people in the future. Once they figure out how to make towers even taller than 2000 feet, the first people to do it are going to have to deal with feeling guilty. They’re effectively putting a limit on all buildings to come. Like those rules some places used to (or still?) have, where nothing was allowed to be taller than the church.

Should spires and broadcast antennas really count towards a building’s height? If so, can I tack a really, really tall pole on top of a bungalow and call it the tallest building in the world? That doesn’t seem right to me.

What does that mean, exactly? Not that I care — Kahlua fucking sucks. Did you know that you’re not even allowed to look at pictures of liquor on their website unless you’re 21? Apparently, pictures of cocktails are a bigger problem in our society than pornography.

Aaaaaaaaaanyway. I’m all moved into my new apartment. I’m all finshed with school for a while. Bought a car the other day. Survived a visit from my mother. Just finished building a keen new desk, and plugging in a keen new blender. Now I’m all free to start posting here again, except… I’m far too tired. Happy belated Canada Day and happy early Fourth of July. Don’t lose an eye or any of your fingers when you’re drunkenly setting off your fireworks. And don’t forget to buy all of your liquor early if you’re in one of those kooky no-Sunday-boozing states. You’ve got just a few hours left, and a couple less than that if you go to Wal-Mart, where the bastard computers consider it Sunday for liquor purchasing purposes at midnight even though the law doesn’t, forcing you to drive like you’re already belligerently drunk to the next-nearest place because it stops selling in three minutes. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Also. I am damned glad that Harper didn’t win. Even if that means that Martin did. That is all.

I have exams this week and next week.

If you were wondering what happened to me.

La da dee!

Because stephen Harper is “definitely not scary”.

Pretty slim pickins when that statement qualifies as a press release, and when one of the two major candidates is giving restaurant tips on his campaign site. Also, amusing anecdotes:

Stephen then apologized for being so factual saying it reminded him of the time someone asked Ray Charles what the worst thing about being blind was. Charles’ answer? “Not being able to see.”

So much better than talking about GDP or GST or MRIs or the PPLC. Nobody likes acronyms. But we all like Ray Charles. And also, this is a funny joke, ha ha. The pigs down on the farm don’t like the Conservative agricultural policy, because they are pigs and they eat out of troughs just like if they were Liberals instead of being pigs (but really, what’s the difference, ho ho ho) they would be chowing down on tax dollars, because tax dollars are good eatin’. Pour some Loonies in a bowl… They stay crunchy, even in milk. That analogy almost worked, even.

Stephen is just one of us, you see. With his neato blog and all. All the cool kids have one.

Then again… Oh yah… nobody gives a shit WHAT Stephen Harper says or does, as long as he isn’t Liberal, but you probably knew that already.

I still see one slight problem. I can only approve of 50% of words in the name “Conservative Party”. And that would be the vague 50%, not the very specific 50% that leads to news stories like this, much talk about dead babies, and an unspoken but burning desire to touch George W. Bush in his bathing suit area.