Does the abbreviation ‘cl’ on a shot glass stand for centilitre? Because I just drank four of whatever they are…

Since when has potty-mouthed George Snuffleupagus been on the CBC?

Between December 10th (Human Rights Day) and December 12th, I will be participating in Amnesty International’s Global Write-a-thon campaign by writing at least 10 letters. To sponsor me with a donation, visit my personal page. For more information on the campain, visit http://www.amnestyusa.org/writeathon/, and learn how to participate yourself.

Thanks,
Candice

Hovering around where I don’t want them, keeping me from clicking on anything beneath them for entire milliseconds! Unacceptable!

How to Leave the Planet:

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (731) 483-3111. Explain that it’s very important that you get away as soon as possible.
2. If they do not cooperate, phone any friend you may have in the White House – (202) 456-1414 – to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don’t have any friends at the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107-095-292-9051). They don’t have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011-39-6-6982, and I gather his switchboard is infallible.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it’s vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

— Douglas Adams

So, this is how in tune I am with the clock and the calendar. My computer has been mysteriously set one day ahead for the last… who knows how long. I just noticed. I though that today was Sunday. All of a sudden, the weekend is one day longer. This is excellent news!

Is an excellent name for a business establishment.

I have a lot to say lately, don’t I.

Well, fall is not the ideal time to work in schools.

Sneezed on by one kid too many.

Candice is sick.

And tired.

Waking up at 4am… that ain’t no fun.

But yesterday… I got paid approximately $43/h. Bah hah hah.

If only I could finish taking pictures every day at 9:30 am.

And if only I could arrange to say “Sit up nice and straight… Tilt your head to the left a wee bit. And turn it just a liiiiiittle bit towards the camera. Okay, say cheeseburger! Whoops, you blinked! One more time! Goooood jooooooob (Austin/Morgan/Taylor/Kayla/Chandler — yes, there are altogether too many young men named Chandler… Poor kids)!!!!” about 300 fewer times a day…

That would be nice.

Also, if kids would learn to use tissues, so that I wouldn’t be horribly horribly terribly sick…

Yep.

I’m back to receiving 48 Victoria’s Secret catalogues in the mail every week. Guess they finally realized I’ve moved. So that makes at least three addresses I’ve cursed. Generations of Or Current Residents will suffer. Or not. I take it that a sizeable percentage of male-types enjoy looking at the photos of boobies with airbrushed-out nipples. I don’t know why. Perhaps they do not have pay-per-view or the internet or girlfriends.

I guess I get so many catalogues because Victoria’s Secret noticed that I have spent many $$$ on their products this year. But they probably should give attention to the fact that I have spent approximately the same number of $$$ that they invented for me when they gave me a credit card. I didn’t spend any real money. I don’t have any of that kind of thing. And I don’t have any more make believe money, either. Unless they decide to raise my credit limit. Again. The fools.

Of course, I am the fool. Except that I enjoy paying interest and finance fees. A lot. So there! It is my favouritest thing of 3v4r! I am win! For the foreseeable future!

Fuck ’em, and fuck the time machine they use to go back and change my ending balances in order to deduct money to cover cheques so that now, three days in the future, the money will have somehow been magically removed before I used my ATM card to take out money that… hmm… well I guess it never existed, so they shouldn’t have let me do that, huh? If I don’t have any money available, it’s pretty silly to let me take it out of the bank anyway, isn’t it? Usually doesn’t work, except when they’re mucking about with the space-time-continuum (which seems to be… almost daily or so). So yeah. Since that money wasn’t there when I (shouldn’t have been able to) take it out, they go back to today and charge me eleventy-seven overdraft fees for doing it anyway, against the laws of nature. I guess I’m lucky to get off so easy. I’d expect doing the impossible to incur the wrath of some nameless deity or other… Unless Wells Fargo is god, in which case, we are all already in hell.

How is it possible for my previous day’s “ending balance” to change during the day if they haven’t got that time machine, huh?

Seems to me they would save a lot of trouble by say… posting money as being removed from my account oh… I dunno… how about when it’s removed from my account and as added to my account oh… just about the time it’s added to my account. But no. They even make trips three days in the other direction to ensure that all of my deposits hang out earning them interest in a black hole somewhere for a little bit before they’ll give them to me, even though their policy says they should post by the same or next day. Which they do, but not until three days later when they make a backwards trip and miraculously post them in the past, reshuffling everything in order to make sure any payments come out of the account first, because those had already posted several days before they actually occurred…

Um. I am confusing myself. I saw something like this in Back to the Future… one of these days they’re going to create a time paradox and *poof*, Wells Fargo’s mother will have never met its father, and Wells Fargo will have never existed. Back in the future… Candice is living a remarkably peaceful and serene life, with no satisfactory explanation.

Just moved my site to a new server. If you’re reading this, you’re being sent in the right direction. If you’re not reading this, you’re being sent into a black hole on the old server, along with half of my e-mail. And it also looks like I don’t ever update my site.

Which I don’t.

But I had an excuse for a few days there, didn’t I.