Merry Un-Birthday of Jesus Christ, Who May or May Not have Existed

I just drank my 12th beer. Hooray for that. What’s up? I’ll fix this site up all nice and spiffy eventually, but apparently Jesus doesn’t want me to have a computer of my own. So screw him. Yeah. Screw you, Jesus. Right on your unbirthday and everything. Not that you care, because if you ever fucking existed, you’re fucking dead now. Oh well. I’m 2000 years too late. Pity. Anyway, if a sack of dead bones can grant wishes, I wish you’d grant my wish for a brand new Sony computationing machine. Thanks, Christ baby. Love ‘ya. Eternal salvation would be nice, too, even if there’s nothing really very explicit about that in that plagiarized book they call the bible. And then again, eternity might be a little too much for my preferences, anyway. Maybe you could kill me after a thousand years or so. But whatever blessings you chooseto bestow upon me, despite the fact that you are dead etc., and unable to do anything at all (since you aren’t divine, since even if you did exist, the Christian God most certainly did not, at least not in any form described by that damned contradictory book everyone is so obsessed with, prove that you were), I promise to reject figs and all their bretheren forever more, since I know how anti-fig you are. Hopefully non-existence won’t have any particular bearance on your granting of blessings. Thanks. Also: more chocolate; good. Yes yes yes.

Pfff. If Jesus weren’t dead, I’d kill him myself. Blasphemer. Or something. Um. But that beard…. sexy. So maybe I’d let him live afteralll.

Christianity is stupid. Communism is good. Give up. Shop as usual. And avoid panicked buying.

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