So, some douche that I had no prior contact with posted this shit on Twitter:

If you’re looking for #emo this #christmas, just follow @candice. She’ll make you want to cut your eyes out. TAGGED: #suicide #drama #xmas

(I’m pretty sure, no matter what he says, that it’s because he wants me… Because from his following messages with mentions of my sister and my husband it’s obvious that he’s been up to some creepy stalker action.)

When I wondered what the fuck, this was his explanation:

@candice the deal is free #advertising. You tweets and complaints = my success :) Just look at Lindsay Lohan or Brittney Spears for example

@candice overall it’s a social/twitter experiment and you were the lucky rabbit pulled out of the hat. Ya digg?

It seems that he just searches certain keywords all day and then insults people who show up in the results. Obviously a brilliant marketing technique. I’m sure he has many such wonderful ideas, because his bio states that he is a computer guru. </sarcasm> (100% of people who describe themselves as gurus are fucktards.)

He then gives this advice when I point out that that’s fucking dumb as shit:

@candice be careful what you say online, reputation is everything :)

Seriously, guy? You’re the one posting drive-by insults. I’m the last person who needs advice about the internet, anyway. Me and the internet, we’re pals. We go way back. We understand each other. Be careful what I say online? Totally not into that. I say whatever I feel like saying, and if people have a problem with it, it’s generally because they suck, so I’m not about to give a rat’s ass.

But I think he was really trying to say that tweeting about what a jerkoff he is benefits him, because he goes on to post this snarky BS:

@candice not really giving advice, just a reminder. You publicly tweeted about my feed. I’ve gained 10 of your followers so far. :)

Which, by the way, is a lie. Observe:

0 < 10 (most of the followers he does have appear to be bots) (note to idiot: real people generally do not end their username with four random numbers)

He further explains the genius of his idea:

@candice it’s all a test for a client, twitter is a model that’s great for basing startups. This idea involves negative tweets to draw attn.

Society loves negativity. THRIVES off it in fact. You of all people should understand that. Angst music is one of the most common forms

@candice Brittney Spears. Are you a millionaire? Didn’t think so. Success can be measured in many ways. You’ve just proven mine.

He is right that negativity gets attention, but I don’t think he understands that not all attention is good attention. The keyword I used that led him to me was “Magento”. He just so happens to have a blog that has lots of Magento-related content. Hooray, you succeeded in getting my attention. But will I bookmark your site? No. Because I think you’re a douchebag. Your “client” (if said client actually exists…) could get a lot of attention, sure, but I don’t think telling people that they “make you want to cut your eyes out” is going to get positive results (*cough* negativity begets negativity). But he’s a guru, so he probably knows that a high click-through rate doesn’t mean squat if those resulting hits don’t convert…

And again with the trainwreck misspelled celebrity example. I do not believe that Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan became famous because someone insulted them. Other way around, I think I recall. But aside from that, posting negative things about fuck ups doesn’t get the same reaction as, say, posting negative things about me. Insulting Britney Spears is socially acceptable, because she’s a mess. But insulting me just makes you look like a jerkass, on account of the fact that I am awesome (as anybody with any sense knows). I mentioned him in my feed, yes, but since it was to point out his shit talking, and because people that follow me tend to like me (or they wouldn’t follow me, ya digg?), I don’t think it led to much success for him (i.e. none of my followers are following him, and several agreed that he’s a turdburger).

Oh, and I bet he finds this, because he looooooooooooves me. I blocked his ass, but he’s probably obsessively reloading my Twitter page right at this very moment. It’ll probably give him an ego boost, but whatevs. I just couldn’t believe his level of stupid, and pointing out extreme stupidosity was the original (somewhat failed) purpose of this site, so ta da.