i have nothing to say, nothing at all. it’s alright because nobody reads this website. not even you. especially not you. i likes to waste me time. cold it is in this room, and dark. and silent but for the fridge, it says “clunkwhirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrclunk” and “bdurdle” and “fffffffffffffffffffffff” and the computer, it says “fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” and the printer says “pfffffffffffffffffffffff” and the rain is saying “plutplutplutplutplut” and the heater is saying “fwooooooooooooom.” i don’t really know what silent sounds like. but i think it wouldn’t drill away at my brain like this. i can’t think anymore. and i don’t want to. i think i’d like to sleep, but i have more waiting to do tonight. and waiting is really all i ever do anymore. waiting for what. probably nothing. probably wasting my time, but what else is new. but. but. but. i would like to waste it while asleep so that i could be somewhere other than here. do you know, i’ve been telling the worst of all possible lies lately, and it makes me feel ill. when you talk to yourself, you should tell the truth, always. anything else is ridiculous. because usually you can tell when you are lying. you’d think. yes. usually. i think probably i’ve multiple personalities. or some such nonsense. otherwise i’m not so sure how it is that i can disagree with myself. you’d think i could get along with me. you’d think. you’d think. except that i don’t. or well… i do, but i agree with myself on two different things that are mutually exclusive. what a kettle of fish. a fine one. so what will it be, candice. spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer spring summer. winter. yes. winter. i will have myself cryogenically frozen until such time as the world makes sense. if i could have myself cloned, now, i would be problem free, wouldn’t i. bah, and humbug. of course, though, i’m not even really being given a choice here, am i. no. no. maybe the most painful part of it all. and so perhaps i should calm down. sleep. calm. meh. drift along as always. breathe.

I think i’m going to post some random things from my computer… Because I have nothing new to say.

(JANUARY 10th, 2001)

dear myself:
( ZERO )

i’ll be, and i’ll be forever.
promise me you’ll promise me?
i promise to promise you.
just as soon as you ask me to.
i’m sorry, sorry, sorry.
don’t know, can’t say: nothing.
it ate me, and it’ll eat you, too!

if you know what’s best for you,
you’ll dig in deeper and shh!
because once you disappear,
you are NEVER COMING BACK!

i know what it looks like.
i’ve seen it, i’ve been it.
you don’t know the first thing.
i am lost forever. goodbye.

.
.
.

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE
OR WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN.
FOREVER IS A TRAGEDY.

“10 years ago, we wouldn’t have even known the other existed. Now, with the ‘Net, we can suffer knowing each other exists…”

Stupid internet…

water does not burn.
frogs do not grow in plastic tubes of jelly.
frogs are generally not see-through, nor are they the size of small dogs.
no, i will not make out with you.
hot weather does not flatten the earth.
do not look at the black lights.
the is no such thing as metal silly putty.
if you’re dead, you probably shouldn’t drive home.

birds do not have peels.

Okay. I think I’m making progress… taking steps in the right direction… for once I’m not still awake at three AM. However, somehow I’ve managed to set this as the new time to wake up. Well, I guess waking up at any time during what could be considered the morning is a good thing… *yawn* At least better than not getting to wake up at all because I haven’t been asleep…

As to why this has happened… I spent all of last night writing an essay I had put off until later than the last minute. And so when I got home I went straight to bed. I am mentioning this because I would like to take back every unkind word I ever said about that marvelous font, comic sans. Okay, so it’s ugly as hell, even despite it’s total lack of serifs. But it’s big! Added some much needed “length” to my essay, which was over 500 words short. I don’t think anybody will notice… I hope. Okay, wait, nevermind. I don’t care. It’s over. I’m hungry.

Ack! The guy from AIM I was talking about on Friday is back, trying once again to coax me from my silence! Today his persuasive gimmick is that it’s his birthday. This is getting absolutely crazy. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. If I suddenly disappear, never to set foot (er, um… I don’t know how to apply this metaphor to the situation) on the internet again, you can assume that the pressure became to much for me, and that I have relocated myself to a remote cave, where I will spend my time as a lemon jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.

Maybe he’s just spending a year dead for tax purposes? No, sadly the lights have gone out in his eyes for absolutely the very last time ever. Douglas Adams, 1952 – 2001. His wholly remarkable books live on. So long, and thanks for all the fish. :(

by the way, i might add to that last entry that i have in fact added this individual to my buddy list.

it’s sad. it’s very sad.

i have entered a war of wills with a certain AIM user. i don’t know how it began. i think i didn’t notice his first few messages, and so he got it into his head that i was ignoring him. so i did. i do this quite frequently, just to see how far some people will take it. most of them give up pretty quickly. but some of them apparently add me to their buddy lists, and IM me every time i sign on, never giving up hope that i might one day grace them with… okay, well… i’m not sure what. because in my profile it basically states that i think all AIM users are morons, and that nobody should bother talking to me because they haven’t got anything useful or remotely interesting to say. i guess they all want to impress me. however, IMs reading “your hot” don’t generally accomplish this, so i’m not too firm on that theory. maybe it’s that they want to impress me, or maybe it’s my stunning beauty. i’m going to go with… both. but whatever the reason they do it, i am greatly amused by the amount of power it automatically gives me. without my even having to say a word, i become their superior. which brings me back to the extremely persistent individual who is currently engaging in a one-sided conversation with me. i am superior, but only until i give in and reply. how long can this go on? he tries to trick me by asking questions. just now, as i type this, he asked me something about the princess bride. and i’m tempted to answer, but no! i must not! it would transfer the power over to him! he must not win! this has gone on for quite a number of days, now, you’d think he’d give up. well, i always enjoy my internet stalkers. i wonder if this one has found his way to this page…