How not to wear a belt



Fashion Pony, originally uploaded by www.DaveWard.net.

Dude tried to centre the buckle over his fly, which is wrong to begin with. And then he missed.

I will laugh at you if you do this, because it makes you look like an asshat. It puts your entire outfit off-kilter, even if someone doesn’t necessarily notice exactly why.

Especially if you don’t match your belt and shoes.

Whatever.

In searching for photos to explain this complaint, every single person that I found doing things the stupid way was male. Why is that, I wonder. Pay attention, ya doofs!

Sometimes I wonder if I pay too much attention to relatively-pointless details. But then I figure, I don’t really have anything major to complain about, so I’d probably be pretty out of luck for a hobby. Plus, menfolk. The womens, they will notice these things. You will lose points.

Now… out into the city, to inaudibly click my tongue and invisibly shake my head at people on the train.

20 thoughts on “How not to wear a belt

  1. at some point women need to accept
    that 89.9% of men don’t give a shit
    (10% are gay.
    the other 0.1% give a shit
    and you all assume we’re gay)
    and will never give a shit
    about what they look like.

    they wear boat shoes, plaid shorts,
    polo shirts and a fitted ball cap
    to -go out to eat-.

    until women start refusing to be seen in public
    with men who refuse to be
    even the tiniest bit metro,
    it will never end.
    why not?
    because only one thing motivates men,
    and they’re still getting it
    in spite of their horrible fashion sense.
    who cares about losing points?
    so they end up with a slightly less hot woman.
    they still end up with a woman.
    they’ll never notice the loss.

  2. at some point women need to accept
    that 89.9% of men don’t give a shit
    (10% are gay.
    the other 0.1% give a shit
    and you all assume we’re gay)
    and will never give a shit
    about what they look like.

    they wear boat shoes, plaid shorts,
    polo shirts and a fitted ball cap
    to -go out to eat-.

    until women start refusing to be seen in public
    with men who refuse to be
    even the tiniest bit metro,
    it will never end.
    why not?
    because only one thing motivates men,
    and they’re still getting it
    in spite of their horrible fashion sense.
    who cares about losing points?
    so they end up with a slightly less hot woman.
    they still end up with a woman.
    they’ll never notice the loss.

  3. I suppose that’s too bad for them, eh? We really don’t even care what you look like. We dress ourselves up for other women, and we dress you up for other women, because if we don’t, they’re going to talk about you behind our backs. Ugh, but I could never stand a slob(bier guy).

  4. I suppose that’s too bad for them, eh? We really don’t even care what you look like. We dress ourselves up for other women, and we dress you up for other women, because if we don’t, they’re going to talk about you behind our backs. Ugh, but I could never stand a slob(bier guy).

  5. this
    We really don’t even care what you look like.

    contradicts this
    The womens, they will notice these things. You will lose points.

    which is why,
    in the end,
    i think men just give up
    and wear whatever smells least offensive
    that they found on the floor.
    :)

  6. this
    We really don’t even care what you look like.

    contradicts this
    The womens, they will notice these things. You will lose points.

    which is why,
    in the end,
    i think men just give up
    and wear whatever smells least offensive
    that they found on the floor.
    :)

  7. Well, it’s not so much a contradiction as a lack of explanation on my part. As long as you smell alright, and don’t look like a pig, the main reason we care what men (that we’re involved with) look like is to make sure the other women know you’re better than their guys. In an of itself, we really don’t care about your outfit.

    Now, single women looking for single men… you’ve kind of got to impress us for at least five minutes. We need to know that you are capable of inspiring jealousy. So after you’re chosen, and you decide to go out yet again in “that shirt”, we’ll be slightly tiffed, not because we really give a shit about the shirt, but because other people will see you wearing it.

    At least, that’s the stereotypical goings on… Plus, I just woke up and don’t even understand the English language yet. So I may be full of crap (FYI I’m typically full of crap).

  8. Well, it’s not so much a contradiction as a lack of explanation on my part. As long as you smell alright, and don’t look like a pig, the main reason we care what men (that we’re involved with) look like is to make sure the other women know you’re better than their guys. In an of itself, we really don’t care about your outfit.

    Now, single women looking for single men… you’ve kind of got to impress us for at least five minutes. We need to know that you are capable of inspiring jealousy. So after you’re chosen, and you decide to go out yet again in “that shirt”, we’ll be slightly tiffed, not because we really give a shit about the shirt, but because other people will see you wearing it.

    At least, that’s the stereotypical goings on… Plus, I just woke up and don’t even understand the English language yet. So I may be full of crap (FYI I’m typically full of crap).

  9. Actually, my main problem with that picture is that his belt is upside down.

    But aside from that, I *want* the bit between the loop end the exposed end of the buckle to center over the fly, but it usually slips to one side after a couple of hours. And I don’t think I want to be caught constantly adjusting it, because people at work ‘ll think I’m fondling something else.

    I suppose one of the downsides of being kinda skinny is that clothes don’t stay put by themselves, they’ll always hang just a little bit looser and move.

  10. Actually, my main problem with that picture is that his belt is upside down.

    But aside from that, I *want* the bit between the loop end the exposed end of the buckle to center over the fly, but it usually slips to one side after a couple of hours. And I don’t think I want to be caught constantly adjusting it, because people at work ‘ll think I’m fondling something else.

    I suppose one of the downsides of being kinda skinny is that clothes don’t stay put by themselves, they’ll always hang just a little bit looser and move.

  11. Sounds like something you’re wearing doesn’t fit properly? Either that or you’re just unlucky. But you said that clothes don’t stay put by themselves, so… I’m guessing that they’re probably too big, at least around the waist. I’m ridiculously skinny, too, so I know it can be hard to find clothes that fit all over. It’s usually a choice between something that fits my waist but is too short, or something that is long enough, but maybe a bit too loose.

    I really wish I could afford to have my clothes custom-made.

    The guy’s belt isn’t on upside-down, because it’s horizontally symmetrical, and so it doesn’t matter in this case. He’s probably just left handed, that’s all. If the belt was not horizontally symmetrical, well, that would look silly.

  12. Sounds like something you’re wearing doesn’t fit properly? Either that or you’re just unlucky. But you said that clothes don’t stay put by themselves, so… I’m guessing that they’re probably too big, at least around the waist. I’m ridiculously skinny, too, so I know it can be hard to find clothes that fit all over. It’s usually a choice between something that fits my waist but is too short, or something that is long enough, but maybe a bit too loose.

    I really wish I could afford to have my clothes custom-made.

    The guy’s belt isn’t on upside-down, because it’s horizontally symmetrical, and so it doesn’t matter in this case. He’s probably just left handed, that’s all. If the belt was not horizontally symmetrical, well, that would look silly.

  13. I’m a straight guy, so there’s inevitably a chance that *something* I’m wearing doesn’t fit or match or whatever. Although an education in product design did give me enough awareness for which colours you can mix and which you definitely can’t.

    But yeah, clothes that actually *fit* are hard to find sometimes. And even then, they don’t always look so good either.

    Still, I’ll be the first to accept fashion advice from a girl. I assume they tend to be better judges of what looks good on me than I am.

  14. I’m a straight guy, so there’s inevitably a chance that *something* I’m wearing doesn’t fit or match or whatever. Although an education in product design did give me enough awareness for which colours you can mix and which you definitely can’t.

    But yeah, clothes that actually *fit* are hard to find sometimes. And even then, they don’t always look so good either.

    Still, I’ll be the first to accept fashion advice from a girl. I assume they tend to be better judges of what looks good on me than I am.

  15. Stop talking so in depth about this. Go outside. The air.. its nice.

  16. Stop talking so in depth about this. Go outside. The air.. its nice.

  17. Oh, no. It’s fucking not nice. It makes me itchy. It makes me sneeze. And that’s just the ragweed and the mold spores. The pollution makes me feel generally unwell on top of all of the sneezing and itching and terribleness.

  18. Oh, no. It’s fucking not nice. It makes me itchy. It makes me sneeze. And that’s just the ragweed and the mold spores. The pollution makes me feel generally unwell on top of all of the sneezing and itching and terribleness.

  19. Well, some of us tend to do our surfing from work. So while my boss doesn’t really care if I spend my downtime doing whatever, he tends to get irritated if I just get up and leave in the middle of the day because I’m bored …

    On the other hand, taking this topic deeper would imply the subject changes to “how not to wear pants”, and I think people would prefer if I kept that indoors.

  20. Well, some of us tend to do our surfing from work. So while my boss doesn’t really care if I spend my downtime doing whatever, he tends to get irritated if I just get up and leave in the middle of the day because I’m bored …

    On the other hand, taking this topic deeper would imply the subject changes to “how not to wear pants”, and I think people would prefer if I kept that indoors.

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