Who needs studies? I just got over a cold. Now I have another cold. I drink about eleventy-seven glasses of orange juice a day. I am led to believe that either vitamin C is useless, or that God hates me.

In any case, this is not fair. The universe is a cruel, cruel place. Know what else is useless? Every type of nasal decongestant available. Or maybe the medicine is working, and I’d be twice as sick without it. I don’t want to find out. I guess I’ll keep popping the pills.

Man, I feel super attractive lately. Bright red clown nose from constant nose-blowing, bright red zits from sleeping in a room that feels like it’s on the surface of the sun, bright red eyes from who knows what (but they’ve been freakishly dry ever since I moved here — it’s probably just jhe chemtrails — hah!). Just perfect for job interviews! Gah!