As somewhat of a dirty hippie, I’m usually all for trees… But after the last week or so, I’m definitely in favour of chopping down the lot of them. Fucking tree goddamn pollen! Apparently birch, maple, poplar, aspen, and cottonwood are responsible for filling my head with bricks today. There are 17,900 results for “pollen bukkake” on Google. And with good cause! Spring is the season when the flowers and the trees whip their dicks out and fucking blow their load all over America. Choice quote from Google: “Pollen is trees fucking your EYES. While screaming ‘take the bukkake, bitch!’” And it fucking stings like hell, too! I practically need a crowbar to pry my eyelids apart in the morning.

Fuck nature.