Totally necessary product alert: Windex Antibacterial

Because I’m accustomed to regularly licking my bathroom mirror.

Seriously, America. Calm the fuck down. There are very few situations that actually call for the use of antibacterials. Cleaning your windows is not one of them. The germs are not going to leap off of the glass and attack you. Besides, if you’re in the habit of cleaning your house with products like this, if they do leap out at you, the ones that will be left to do so are going to be crazy evil superbugs of death, because the 99.9% of the germs that you massacred are out of the way, giving greater opportunity to the really nasty stuff to take over (okay, one person’s OCD isn’t likely to fuck things up that badly, but when it’s an entire country…)

The same thing goes on inside your body, if you take antibiotics unnecessarily. What’s scarier — the possibility of relatively harmless bacteria being allowed to do its thing (and just maybe benefiting the immune systems of you and your children while they’re at it), or the possibility of new drug-resistant strains of disease emerging because of America’s collective germophobia (search Google for drug resistance and be afraid). Last I heard, none of these products actually prevents anyone from becoming sick, anyway. You’re wasting your time and money. At least you have a false sense of security?

P.S. I’ve just finished reading Riddled with Life: Friendly worms, Ladybug Sex, and the Parasites That Make Us Who We Are by Marlene Zuk. It would be a good book for anyone having trouble overcoming their fear of OMG germs!!! to read. We evolved alongside germs. Our bodies, for the most part, know how to deal with them, and in some cases, actually need them. Your digestive system, for instance, would not be at all the same, and if you’re female, without friendly bacteria to fight off the nogoodniks, you’d have a constant yeast infection and a nasty case of bacterial vaginosis to boot. Fun fun fun! According to Dorion Sagan and Lynn Margulis in their book Garden of Microbial Delights, “Fully 10 percent of our own dry body weight consists of bacteria, some of which, although they are not a congenital part of our bodies, we can’t live without.” And just think about how many germies are squiring around on your skin right now. Not to mention the parasites in your eyebrows!