Dear dumbshit cat owner

Your cat is an obligate carnivore. Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about that:

An obligate or true carnivore is an animal that must eat meat in order to thrive. Hypercarnivores present specialized dentition for a meat-only diet. They may consume other products presented to them, especially animal products like eggs and bone marrow or sweet sugary substances like honey and syrup, but, as these items are not essential, they do not consume these on a regular basis. True carnivores lack the physiology required for the efficient digestion of vegetable matter, and, in fact, some carnivorous mammals eat vegetation specifically as an emetic. The domestic cat is a prime example of an obligate carnivore, as are all of the other felids.

In light of this information, please tell me why you would purposefully select cat food containing ingredients such as “brown rice and garden greens” or anything featuring a large picture of carrots and other shit cats don’t eat on the front over other foods? And why are you willing to pay extra for something your cat is much more to redecorate your living room carpet with?

Nevermind. I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re retarded, and you think your cat is people. Your cat is not people. Your cat does not give a damn about whether its chicken is served florentine. It eats bugs, for fucks sake. Purina et al. know that you’re an idiot, and there’s been hundreds of years of research put into working out just how to reel you it. So the crap comes in a green-colored (“natural”, “healthy”) can, and looks good enough in the photos that you’d almost eat it yourself. Which is just more evidence for how stupid you are. What kind of moron eats cat food? When your cat dreams, it is not dreaming of uprooting delicious beets. But here you are, drooling over poulty by-product.

The cat food companies know that you’re so stupid that you’ll won’t have a problem paying their premium sucker surcharge. You’ll do it willingly. You’ll go out of your way to pay it! Even though that food probably cost them less to make, what with all the extra filler they put in there. And, just to amuse themselves a little bit more with your stupidity, they went ahead advertised the fact that their “gourmet” food is full of extra non-nutritive filler in big fat letters right on the very front. Because if you’re weren’t a dumbshit, that’s what “with brown rice” would mean to you. But you are a dumbshit. You dumbshit.