I know that I speak quietly. And I’m sure that I mumble on the phone. But I still don’t understand why so many people here in Chicago hear my name as “Kim” (as opposed to “Kansas” anywhere else). And I’ve tried saying it super-clearly. It doesn’t work.

I know that many people in the United States are retarded and pronounce one-syllable words with two syllables (and I’m from Canada, so people think I’m slow… eh). But I also blame the Northern Cities Shift. Or maybe it’s just the in~en shift. Either way… I’d just figured out how to understand what the hell people in Indiana were trying to say to me, and drifted my Bob close enough to Bahb so as to not confuse anyone. Can’t any of you Americans pronounce your vowels properly (or at all)??? Do I have to say CAY-ehn-dice (three sylabbles) for anyone to understand what I’m saying? I refuse to pick up any more drawl! Refuse!