Why do I keep doing this to myself?

Soooo… UPS fucked us again. Didn’t ring the doorbell, and left an incomplete tag. The lady on the phone tells me that a signature is required in person. How would I know that, mister driver? I would have otherwise just left the tag out with a signature on the back, expecting my package to be left on Monday… But nooooo. Asshat. I was told they might try to deliver again today, because I guess I’m effective at complaining (you’d hope so, by now) (the trick is to make sure you don’t say anything at all that could make it seem like you were in any way at fault, because then they basically say “sucks to be you”). If so, I guess I’ll just go sit on the stoop all day or something. And slap the driver when he shows up.

If you have a package delivered by the USPS instead of UPS or FedEx, it still won’t get to your door, but at least they let you pick it up at the nearest post office. UPS or FedEx make us go to Buttfuck, Illinois to pick shit up. Buttfuck, Illinois, BTW, is not accessible by public transit, and guess who doesn’t have a car. So our packages are frequently returned to sender. Awesomeness.

And yeah, they just called me back. Guess I’ll be on the porch from 4:45-5:15pm.

Did I really not title this entry?

It would really be helpful to me if there was any sort of a store selling mailing supplies located anywhere other than as far as possible from the post office. No, really. The map I’m looking at shows me that all mailing supply suppliers are located precisely halfway between any two post offices. And both mailing supplies and post offices are located in such a way as to make them as inconvenient as possible to get to. 0.8 miles away, eh. But I have to take three buses to get there? (No, I’m not walking with all of these packages).

We used to live across the street from the Lakeview USPS. Moving was the worst idea ever. If you forget to consider the mold spores that were slowly killing us, the landlord’s kid playing Grand Theft Auto on the world’s loudest surround sound system at 4am, the leaky shower upstairs that probably would have rotted through the ceiling and landed on one of our heads by now, or the fact that the entire building probably ought to be condemned. Yes, but aside from all of that, it was pretty convenient to pop downstairs to buy some stamps.

I should probably get out of here already. This is likely to take three hours.