Jesus Healed my Nissan

I can see no other explanation. The engine light came on shortly after I bought the car (I’m not sure how dealerships arrange for this type of thing, but I assure you that it cannot be a coincidence), and spent the last few months shining joyfully at me, the little bastard. Today, the light is off. It is either a miracle, or the engine light is now broken along with the engine. I am going to ignore one of these two possible scenarios. I was going to get the problem checked out eventually (I swear), but thank Jeebus, that will no longer be necessary.

Also a miracle: if you put a nickel and two dimes into a vending machine and press the return coin button, presto chango, they have been melded together to form a quarter, perfect for doing laundry! I didn’t experiment with dollar bills (peh! you think I have dollar bills? well, I can tell you, that is a LOT more money than I have, indeed!), but that would have been an even greater miracle. Because at the moment, every flat surface in my apartment is covered with pants! Everywhere! Pants! Also, I could have had my pick of vended goods. Hurray!

22 thoughts on “Jesus Healed my Nissan

  1. My engine light, specificly the oil light, went out one day. NExt thing I knew, the engine cracked, and had to be replaced. That was none to good.

    put oil in it =P

  2. My engine light, specificly the oil light, went out one day. NExt thing I knew, the engine cracked, and had to be replaced. That was none to good.

    put oil in it =P

  3. I’d add oil to it just in case. My toyota did the same thing, the oil light never stayed on. But eventually it cracked, and became useless

    eric

  4. I’d add oil to it just in case. My toyota did the same thing, the oil light never stayed on. But eventually it cracked, and became useless

    eric

  5. Hey stop jinxing it. It doesn’t need oil, though. I checked.

  6. Hey stop jinxing it. It doesn’t need oil, though. I checked.

  7. The engine light has nothing to do with the oil level- the oil light however is a useless light because 9 times out of ten when it comes on it’s too late your engine is already destroyed- the engine light comes on whenver the little computer in your car comes up with a diagnostic code, it stays on until the technician plugs in his computer and reads the code- and those codes can be almost anything for which your car has a sensor, oxygen sensor, temperatue sensor- down to my favourite the gas cap sensor– yup if you don’t screw on your gas cap tight enough (or it doesn’ seal) the engine light comes on and stays on. There is no way you can tell without a computer what the light came on for. My advice, remove the positive cable from the batter and leave it off for a few minutes to reset your computer, use the time to make sure your gas cap is on tight and then put the cable back, if the light stays off no problem if it comes on again perhaps have the technician read the code and tell you what it is– $50 for this is much less than a new engine. In your case if the light has gone out on it’s own, possible your computer reset or maybe it is burned out, does it flash when you start the car?

  8. The engine light has nothing to do with the oil level- the oil light however is a useless light because 9 times out of ten when it comes on it’s too late your engine is already destroyed- the engine light comes on whenver the little computer in your car comes up with a diagnostic code, it stays on until the technician plugs in his computer and reads the code- and those codes can be almost anything for which your car has a sensor, oxygen sensor, temperatue sensor- down to my favourite the gas cap sensor– yup if you don’t screw on your gas cap tight enough (or it doesn’ seal) the engine light comes on and stays on. There is no way you can tell without a computer what the light came on for. My advice, remove the positive cable from the batter and leave it off for a few minutes to reset your computer, use the time to make sure your gas cap is on tight and then put the cable back, if the light stays off no problem if it comes on again perhaps have the technician read the code and tell you what it is– $50 for this is much less than a new engine. In your case if the light has gone out on it’s own, possible your computer reset or maybe it is burned out, does it flash when you start the car?

  9. Sometimes the hand of God becomes mysteriously entangled in the inner workings of my car. Exorcism does not work, nor does Jazzercism; beleive me I’ve tried. The best solution is usually amputation.

    Good luck.

  10. Sometimes the hand of God becomes mysteriously entangled in the inner workings of my car. Exorcism does not work, nor does Jazzercism; beleive me I’ve tried. The best solution is usually amputation.

    Good luck.

  11. I agree, you need to figure out what was going on with your vehicle. To determine wether or not the light turned off or burnt out, check and see if it comes on when you start your car (as most of the lights do while your car is starting), if it dosent, take it to a local auto zone, they do FREE Check Engine Light code scanning.. They’ll at least be able to tell you what might be wrong.

    Hope i wa able to help..

  12. I agree, you need to figure out what was going on with your vehicle. To determine wether or not the light turned off or burnt out, check and see if it comes on when you start your car (as most of the lights do while your car is starting), if it dosent, take it to a local auto zone, they do FREE Check Engine Light code scanning.. They’ll at least be able to tell you what might be wrong.

    Hope i wa able to help..

  13. True story, my dash lights were out for a year, then on the easter night they turned back on! The resurrection of jesus on the same day as my dash lights. Yup, it was a nissan. Funny, i have amazing stories about my cigarette lighter too.

  14. True story, my dash lights were out for a year, then on the easter night they turned back on! The resurrection of jesus on the same day as my dash lights. Yup, it was a nissan. Funny, i have amazing stories about my cigarette lighter too.

  15. WELL GIVE THANKS IN EVERYTHING ,NOT FOR EVEYTHING THE BIBLE SAYS. SO GIVE THANKS TODAY AMEN JEUS LOVES YOU ….

  16. WELL GIVE THANKS IN EVERYTHING ,NOT FOR EVEYTHING THE BIBLE SAYS. SO GIVE THANKS TODAY AMEN JEUS LOVES YOU ….

  17. Quite a feat, considering that if he ever existed, he’s been worm-food for a couple thousand years now…

  18. Quite a feat, considering that if he ever existed, he’s been worm-food for a couple thousand years now…

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