Negativesmart

Look. I think it’s perfectly legitimate, if you’re resurrected, to adopt a new (re)birthday on the date you became one of the undead. But if you’re going to do so, as far as I’m concerned, you forfeit your original birthday.
So what’ll it be, Jesus? Christmas, or Easter? You can’t have both. I know you’re just […]

If you’re going to call the flavour of your juice “orange tangerine”, the main ingredient shouldn’t be apple juice. It’s a good thing I happen to like apple juice, and that I knew what I was in for (reading labels is good for you), because otherwise this entry wouldn’t be so short, and I’d be […]

How to Make Money With Your Blog. Blah. SEO. Blah. Monetization. Blah. Boring. Lame. Gay. Gay gay gay gay super gay.
Here’s the only tip that matters: have a blog that doesn’t suck. Then make money as an afterthought. Preferably by supplementing your excellent content with more excellent content, in a form that people might potentially […]

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Fashion Pony, originally uploaded by www.DaveWard.net.

Dude tried to centre the buckle over his fly, which is wrong to begin with. And then he missed.
I will laugh at you if you do this, because it makes […]

Look, geniuses. The words “tips” was not originally an acronym for “To Insure Prompt Service”. For one thing, it would have to have been TEPS, because the proper word is ensure, not insure. For another thing, you’re not going to ensure prompt service by giving someone a tip as you’re leaving. See how that doesn’t […]

Our DVR destructed a couple of days ago, so we had a tech come down with a replacement this morning. Everything was working fine while he was here. The menu loaded, the program guide loaded, the channels were working, and the On Demand intro ran just fine. A little bit after the cable guy left, […]

The number of social bookmarking, sharing, and networking websites is clearly out of control. Look at this image, captured from the bottom of a page on OkCupid. It looks like Web 2.0 got drunk and threw up on my screen.

This needs to stop. Somehow.

$370 to replace a lost green card! I thought $290 was excessive, but I hadn’t noticed the additional $80 biometrics fee. What the fuckity fuck? That’s it… The USCIS is now officially at the top of my Asshole Organizations I Have to Deal With shit list, which is as follows:

USCIS
NSLSC/OSAP
UPS
Comcast
Microsoft
Dell
Capital One
Wells Fargo
Wal-Mart
AT&T

Comcast! Must! Die!
Cable went out today. After checking all the connections in our apartment pointlessly (because this shit is never our fault), I concluded that it must have been some Comcast-related asshattery. It wasn’t that we hadn’t paid them (for once), so I walked over to the laundry room, where the incoming line to our […]

Die.
I’ve been getting eleventy-seven of these for the past month or so. My spam filter still hasn’t caught on. Kill, kill, kill.

Part of my neighbourhood is a quiet zone, because there are lots of old, dying people living there. So, why does the church down the road get away with it’s damned ding-ding-dong-ding-dong-ding-ding-ding fifty-seven times every day? It’s fuckin’ annoying, is what it is (and a poor excuse for music, I can tells ya). I have […]

Pedestrians need street signs, too, City of Chicago. Or are we meant to walk in only one direction on one way streets, as well, hm? The street signs on on the part of Grand I was walking on this afternoon face oncoming traffic only, and since that traffic was westbound, and I was walking east, […]

I just finished taping up a note for the UPS guy who will be coming tomorrow with a package for me, and with any luck, actually dropping it off.
Why is it so hard to get something delivered?
Why have I had to complain about this 87 other times on this website? (I’d add appropriate links here, […]

CTA Tattler: Don’t put $30 on your Chicago Card
If you’re using a Chicago Card, do NOT select $30 (or $10) as your refill amount. You’ll be giving up free money if you do.
Back when I got my Chicago Card, I selected $20 as my refill. After a few months, I decided that resulted […]

RSS feeds that don’t include the entire text of a post… go to hell. There is no excuse for this nonsense.

I paid my Comcast bill by phone today, because the website is an idiot. To better serve me, they had me punch in my phone number right away, in order to access my account. Then, to better serve me, they had me punch in my phone number after I selected the billing menu, so that […]

Jeans + sports jacket = no.
Thanks.

My building’s laundry room smells like piss. It’s not even hobo piss, it’s resident piss. I tried to do laundry last night, but there were four or five guys in there who seemed like they were having some sort of drunken laundry party. Anyway, I have about 87 loads to wash, so this is going […]

This sounds ridiculous. I don’t care how much your boring leather handbag cost (though, if you’re the type that goes around “wearing” yours, it was probably more than my last car — which is pretty silly, because your bag is boring and probably brown but definitely not special enough looking to justify the price, especially […]

So, would somebody like to tell me what it is?
The internet has just told me that the most common romanization system for Chinese is Hanyu Pinyin. Apparently, the Wade Giles system is also kinda sorta still around. I didn’t know which system the spelling of “feng shui” came from, but this conversion table has informed […]

(On a partition, mind you — I don’t trust this shit)
User Account Control = off. Off, off, fucking OFF.
Why would anyone release an operating system that makes me want to throttle it and those responsible for its existence within thirty seconds?
Bullshit pseudo-sudo crap. Candice smash!

2 ÷ 3 ≠ 0.666
2 ÷ 3 = 0.667 or 0.666…
Asstards.

When you make text into a button, could you please remember to define a hit area? I mean, when you test your movies, don’t you realize how fucking annoying it is to have to click inside the borders of one of the letters? Maybe you just don’t know how to fix the problem. In that […]

I’ve been thinking about finally redesigning, so I figured I might as well install IE7 so that I would be able to test the site. As soon as I rebooted my computer for the first time everything set to run at startup that accesses the internet in anyway crashed. Tried to run Firefox. It crashed […]

(I’ve been writing a lot of curmudgeonly letter lately. Sitting around at home all day is getting to me. The latest one was to UPS, because their driver keeps leaving my packages at the wrong entrance to my apartment building — behind a door that I can’t open without a key, or bugging random people […]