Hey, let’s post here!

Why not?

I mean, it’s been since March 2012? What’s that about. I haven’t had anything as important to say as all the other complete and utter crap that’s on this blog? Seems unlikely.

I wonder if this feed still exists in anyone’s RSS reader, because I’m sure no one who isn’t searching Google for instructions on getting their Logitech webcam to work with newer versions of Windows or sneeze porn (protip, there is indeed video of me sneezing, but it’s located ELSEWHERE) is regularly stumbling upon this site.

I wonder if this feed still exists in MY RSS reader.

I guess I’ll find out, eh.

I only just deleted my Google Reader shared RSS sidebar the other day.

Between March 2012 and now so many of my sidebar widgets much just have completely stopped working.

I logged in and updated the widget what keeps my tweets updated in the sidebar and it apparently needs to update 16569 tweets to some new format. It’s been working on it for nearly 24 hours now. Every time I refresh the page it’s showing me stupid shit I said 6 years ago, 5 years ago, 4 years ago, it’s now up to 3.

LOL Foursquare tweets. I guess people still use that thing, huh. I’ve become ever so slightly more paranoid since I used to post my full name and address and phone number and current location online without giving a shit.

No one ever actually sent me any pizza, either. Or sandwiches.

I’m still waiting for my sandwiches.

I have a new thing in the sidebar of WordPress that’s all “Social Broadcasting” “Broadcast Post [X] Yes [ ] NO”. I’m not sure what that does. Probably just Twitter? I don’t know what the butt my settings are set to do.

I don’t even have a proper theme anymore because the one I tweaked myself ages ago had two whole sidebars and I don’t have that many sidebars of stuffs and such to put into bars on the side.

Anyway.

I’m mostly posting because I can’t sleep because the grocery store had no butternut squashes and I bought an inferior squash when I could have bought an acorn squash instead and I am the sort of person who gets hung up on trivial shit like squash varieties.

I’m just gonna go buy another squash tomorrow. A better squash.

I’d return my inferior squash but then I’d have to talk to someone at the customer service desk and it’ll be busy and I’ll have to stand there waiting for ages just to be all “hi, I’d like to return this squash please” and that’s the sort of thing I need Xanax for because I’m clearly insane. Who even returns a squash.

Is produce even returnable? Because I’ve had some major cucumber and celery issues in the past. But I mean, I ate part of those. I didn’t eat part of this squash. It’s not really the kind of thing you take a bite out of.

Whatever. Maybe I really like spaghetti squash. I never ate such a thing before. What in the heck does one even do with a spaghetti squash. The internet tells me it’s a possible replacement for the kind of spaghetti that contains gluten and um. Yeah that sounds like complete crap to me. A) Nothing replaces gluten. B) If something did replace gluten it would not be a squash.

I’m pretty sure about that.

I’m going to go eat pills and watch Netflix now, Internet. Good talk.

ATTN: Concerned parties and parties that have chosen to concern themselves

(Recently)

You have clearly never conversed with me on the topic of monogamy. If you had you would have quickly learned that my views are:

a) That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.

,

b) For real? You’re being serious? Isn’t that boring?

,

c) Why?

,

d) That’ll never work.

and

e) Penguins are cute.

Goodnight.

Here is something much more important:

It’s all my fault

In case you were wondering, the person responsible for contaminating our water supply with all those medications, that’s me. Anti-depressants, narcotic painkillers, anxiolytics, hormones. Thanks to me, you’ll be happy, pain-free, chilled out, and have big titties. You’re welcome.

How do you cut your sandwiches?

Diagonally or horizontally?

I cut mine properly.

Vertically.

Why is vertical sandwich-cutting so rarely seen as a viable option?

Come on! It’s the only way to attain any approximation of sandwich symmetry, and therefore it’s the best way.

Since it’s the best way, it’s my way.

And since it’s my way, it’s the right way.

QED