Negativesmart

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pigs 1, originally uploaded by mariacaridad.

Sean and I are so over filthy, deadbeat roommates. We’re doing the post-filthy, deadbeat roommate cleanup this weekend. Pro-tip: do not live with filthy deadbeats! Even if they are (ostensibly) [...]

How to Make Money With Your Blog. Blah. SEO. Blah. Monetization. Blah. Boring. Lame. Gay. Gay gay gay gay super gay.
Here’s the only tip that matters: have a blog that doesn’t suck. Then make money as an afterthought. Preferably by supplementing your excellent content with more excellent content, in a form that people might potentially [...]

When did the internet turn into a combination of a bad self-help book, an infomercial, a get-rich-quick-scheme? It all leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. I don’t want to hear from self-proclaimed, critically-acclaimed, experts in expertise about positive affirmations, efficiency tips, monetization techniques, optimization approaches, best practices, self esteem, keyword research, passive income, active [...]

Why does this question ever have to be asked? Apparently, the answer is any day from tomorrow until Tuesday. And there are specific hours, too.  WTF, Americans. Is tomorrow the 31st? No, no it isn’t. I’ll have you know that only one of those days is the 31st. And who goes trick-or-treating before dark, if [...]

I don’t think that the comment box is the place for conversations. Conversations belong in e-mail, on e-mail lists, or on forums. Maybe that’s just me. But the format just doesn’t really… work… properly. Bleh. I hardly ever check back to old posts to see if anyone has replied. How good do you think my [...]

Your PowerPoint files are a pain in the ass to print out at 60″ wide. Why would you use PowerPoint to design such a thing. If you’re going to insist upon doing this, at least set the page size to something other than 8.5″ x 11″. Especially if the final size you want [...]

Here is some information about your Blogger account: your user name is not Candice. I know this because my user name is Candice. All of you other Candices, stop trying to reset the password to an account that is not yours when you realize that you cannot remember that password (because you [...]

If I don’t complain about this now, I’m going to explode. I don’t know why I am so irritated, but every time I hear this commercial on the radio, I get increasingly more hateful towards the universe.
It’s the one where some girl answers the phone only to realize that a friend of hers has [...]

“There is one circumstance where a Chicago Card Plus cannot be used to pay for up to seven customers: If six or fewer customers begin their trip while using one card, and they attempt to transfer to another bus or rail line with customers who were not present at the origin of the trip, the [...]

I was looking into going to school here in Chicago for next year. So affordable — it only costs $98,198,872 dollars. And for some of these schools, I’d have to take the SAT. Even though I’d be transferring. WTF. No thank yewww. That is some American nonsense that I doesn’t need none of. How is [...]

I know that I speak quietly. And I’m sure that I mumble on the phone. But I still don’t understand why so many people here in Chicago hear my name as “Kim” (as opposed to “Kansas” anywhere else). And I’ve tried saying it super-clearly. It doesn’t work.
I know that many people [...]

Peoples Energy, I shake my fist at you. $16.24 activation charge? For what? To change the information on the already existing, already working account? Don’t you think that if you are going to charge $16.24 for this service that you should make some effort to at least get that information right?
Who [...]

It finally came to me. The terrible, dreadful, awful, evil, nagging feeling I’ve been experiencing for at least the last year is impatience of a particularly anxiously irritating variety. If only this knowledge helped me in any way, whatsoever. And as far as I know, it will last indefinitely, because I haven’t [...]

The next time someone honks at me for not turning right on a green light when there are pedestrians are crossing the street, I think I will put my car into reverse. Okay, I won’t. But seriously, do they want me to run those people over so that they can get to work [...]

I was watching the extras on The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy DVD last night. Included is the second half of the Guide entry about Babel fish that describes how irreducible complexity proves that God doesn’t exist. The logic is just about on the level of that used by Intelligent Design morons. [...]

Rebuttal: 9-64-090 (k).
So, yeah. Nice new apartment in Chicago. In a residential parking zone. I just moved here. I do not have a city sticker. I do not have a residential parking permit. I do not have any of the 87 other things my car needs to be legal [...]

Kevin Trudeau’s book of bullshit Natural Cures ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know About is a bestseller? According to The Daily Show, anyhoo. People are stupidlyer than I thought. And I didn’t think that they were generally very smart to begin with. Even if it was rational for people watching the [...]