What I see at the ATM

View of a Chase ATM from the eyeballs of a tall girl in heels

Dear gomers who design ATMs.

This is what I see when I look at your creations.

“Insert check”???

I don’t see anywhere to insert a “check”!

I get actual cheques maybe once or twice a year, so I always forget where the damned slot is. (Hell, ’cause there’s usually a new model ATM installed by then, or my bank has been assimilated by another bank, Borg style.)

I stand there looking all gormless for approximately forever, and people are waiting behind me. Attractive people. Always attractive people, when I’m gormless. Waiting and judging.

Oh, right. The slot is just barely visible in the top left of the photo there. And this photo doesn’t quite accurately represent my POV because I cannot actually see that thing at all at all at all in real life without making like I’m hover-squatting over the toilet in a nightclub bathroom stall.

You have made your machine accessible to midgets and people in wheelchairs. Congrats. It is now inaccessible to tall ladies in heels.

Yes. I’m complaining about this. I have nothing better to complain about today, and well, complaining is my only hobby.

I have a thing or two to say about public water fountains as well, FYI.