Stifled
By Candice at 13:12:23 on Jul 14, 2009 in General
Been up for 24+ hours now. Sorry if my communication skills are worse than usual. I think I’m coming across snippy today, even though I’m in a pretty good mood (catching my 2nd wind). Not eating lunch now because I’m planning to raid the lounge after the big meeting in there is done. Not walking several miles as usual because… did I mention I’ve been awake for 24+ hours? Not lying in the sun, because there’s no way I wouldn’t fall asleep for hours. So I’m babbling instead.
I’m pretty pissed at myself. Kept telling myself the whole time Sean was gone that I was going to use the extra alone time to do something. I managed to clean the apartment, but that was really an excuse to procrastinate with everything else.
I haven’t written anything in ages (not even counting this site, which is just where I spew my random crap). I have eleventy canvases ready to go, but can’t even be bothered to clear the table off enough to work.
Tonight, I am going to go home, take a nap, and then… if I do not pick up a pen or a paintbrush, I am a useless waste of space (not that useless wastes of space don’t have their place in society).
Ugh, though. What’s that shit… fear of the empty page. Doesn’t it have a fancy name? Who cares. I haven’t done anything creative in so long that I forget how to start. Geez, I used to have notebooks and notebooks full of crap.
I’ve always had these little droughts, but this one is not little. Keeping too many ideas stuffed in your head isn’t pleasant.
I’m going to shaddup before I angst myself out (lame), because like I said, I feel just fine right now. I just wish I was at home instead of wasting the energy I used to use for my own purposes on front end monkey web design work. So depressing. Really burns me out from wanting to be near a computer at home. So good thing I’ve always focused mainly on digital media. Blarg!
Kick me in the teeth if you don’t see evidence of some sort of brain-unstuffing activity by tomorrow. Thx.