Patriotic Canadian beer commercial meme

I would have stuck this hooha on MySpace or Facebook, except Raymi said no, so here you go (also I updated her link — bossy bossy!):

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen.
This is one of the many things I learned was a bad idea as soon as I moved to the US — even if you’re somewhere where there are ABSOLUTELY NO STRANGERS.

You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend.
Buddies plural? Probably still yes…

You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops.
Shit yeah. Usually not me by a longshot, but I ain’t complainin’

You’ve kept all your hockey trophies.
I suck donkey balls at hockey, but I have all my track & field and soccer shite.

You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over.
I don’t know if that’s ever happened, but I’m sure I would, unless I was totally gone.

If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back.
Well, only at a certain point do I become strong/stupid enough to fight somebody, but damn straight… I’ll bitch ’em out anytime.

You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer.
Yes, I do have the excessive politness gene.

You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick.
No, but I’ve seen it happen plenty of times.

You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper
Isn’t that what it’s there for?

and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season
Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough, but I never seem able to accomplish this.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.
Well, if you’re going cheap, it’s better than any of the American swill there is to choose from.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are;You have a hockey scar somewhere.
Soccer scar, perhaps. Boo hockey.

You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip.
Road trip, not so much. Band tour, repeatedly.

You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player.
I don’t know that sort of girl. The ones I know just get jiggy with musicians…

You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane.
I only do it when they get up, so they don’t notice as much… ’cause yeah, I feel kinda bad.

You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you.
I have never used a pick-up line — EVER.

You fill your friends pint before your own.

You think hockey tape can fix anything.
I’m sure that it can, but I’d go in this order: duct tape > electrical tape > hockey tape.

You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere,
Oh, hell yes. And into somewhere else, even.

and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season.
Since when do I even answer my phone?

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.
I still don’t have my American citizenship, so “our” can still apply to me, right? I prefer vodka…

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time.
I should think not.

You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s.
This applies equally well to Chicago.

You appreciate a woman who’s into sports.
I would appreciate it more if they wouldn’t appreciate it anywhere near me.

You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend.
I won’t call them at all.

You know what a J-stroke is.
I’m on the internet, so I do now.

And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching.
It’s hypnotic. If you need to stop thinking about shit for a while, put that on the box.

You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds.
Sippy cup > all.

You’ve worn a canoe as a hat.

You’ve assembled a barbeque,
I’m a girl, therefore no. Of course, this excuse only applies when I don’t want to do something. In any other situation “you’re a girl” gets you a slap in the face.

and, they’re not dents, they’re goals.
Hockey. Pfeh!

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.
I wonder if there’s any beer left in the fridge here at work…