Negativesmart

• Lyrics, sorryMy baby's got the lonesome lows, don't quite go away overnightDoctor Blind, just prescribe the blue ones #
• If the dizzying highs don't subside overnightDoctor Blind, just prescribe the red ones #
• I'm not even motivated enough to cut and paste them at you properly. Ahhhhhhhh, ennui…. #
• Some jerk peeled this Stikman off the road and threw him out. I rescued him & kept him because he lost his sticky http://twitpic.com/2hdqlo #
• Prepare for the apocalypse. I just called a government agency, was on hold less than 10 minutes,and was given relevant, helpful information. #
• Don't worry yet, guys. Turns out some of the information I got was incorrect. #
• I'm so glad Target opened up nearby. Now I can go buy a baseball bat and…. CANDICE SMASH! DAMN do I want to break things right now. #
• I give up. If I hear another busy signal today I might finally lose my mind completely. #
• http://twitvid.com/Q7K9O – This is me today. Except with a busy signal. #
• Finally get through, wait on hold for 87 years, get hung up on cause I was waiting on speaker and didn't grab it in 0.032 milliseconds. #FML #
• That's the third time in a row I've been hung up on abruptly without having any of my questions answered. That's more like it, government. #
• Seriously, though. Send booze. I've been listening to busy signals or waiting on hold since before 9am this morning. #
• Oh, my. Someone sensible and non-curmudgeonly-sounding. If THIS doesn't get me anywhere I'm gonna go find a brick wall to bash my head into. #
• I am never making another phone call. The end. #
• Strand tests are for ninnies. My hair is about to be… some colour that is not the same as the colour it was this morning? #
• Hair dye boxes ought to show a swatch of what it'll look like used on bluish-blonde hair. Actually, I'm down to greenish now, looks like, #
• I was going to attempt sleep, but it appears that after hibernating all weekend I'm destined to stay wide awake all week. #
• You can tell when that happens when I start spamming you with tweets. My mania applies itself mainly to the internet. And drawing circles. #
• Instead of live-blogging my hair I should catch up on e-mail. Jeepers! I don't get nearly as much as others do. How do you people manage it? #
• Holy fuck, I can't believe ALL of that dark-ass purple came out in one go. I'm blonde again. #
• So, I get to deal with customer service some more today. Phone not working properly. Chat support, at least. Can't hear their bitchy tone. #
• And yes, I HAVE tried turning it off and on again. And it's not my SIM. Fix your towers!!!! But I will jump through your hoops, Michael H. #
• See, guy? You activated a new SIM for me. Guess what. Still doesn't work. I TOLD YOU what the problem was. #
• I'm sorry most people are idiots. Non-idiots should get some sort of certification to bypass dumb questions when talking to tech support. #
• Is my SIM in securely? Um, yes, duh. Otherwise I wouldn't be getting text messages. But okay guy, I'll check. #
• I apologize, Twitter. @cyanotic is not around for me to whine about this inane BS to. It's his main function in my life. #
• Dear Internet: This is still the most defining moment of my ENTIRE LIFE. FOR REALS. http://flic.kr/p/6t4625 #
• Now Michael H. decides he ought to check for outages in my area. YA THINK!? #
• This is probably the longest IM conversation I've had in a month. I'm SO glad it's with Michael H. from T-Mobile… #
• Chicago Model Mayhem types, click: http://bit.ly/cngk74 #
• I am going to watch Canadian dramas from a dozen years ago, drink wine and eat KD now. Anyone who makes me think any more tonight is FIRED. #
• I was kind of very impressed to see BBC promoting http://bbc.in/diLJwS after an ep of Doctor Who about Van Gogh that I downloaded. #
• related? I encourage you to seek "Stephen Fry: The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive". Mental illness does not deserve all that stigma… #
• Also related. I'm mentally ill. And? #
• Everyone awesome is fucked in the head. Fact. #
• Just lemme CC that to @cyanotic RT @DJClicheDarknes: @candice Also… you can 'touch' me all you liek. ;) BWAHAAA I so bad! #
• I have still never found anyone to participate in my Jeeves & Wooster drinking game. Nor enough excuse even to type it out from my notebook! #
• I dunno. I think B-vitamins might be more likely to make me vomit than to prevent a hangover. Worst smelling/tasting substance ever. #
• Vitamin-B burp… slightest bit of the taste makes me start to retch. Seriously. Why does my body hate something it needs to live sooo much. #
• Ow, my eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! #
• Funny = when everyone in the bar is talking all loud and then the music drops out and they are yelling in a silent room all of a sudden. #
• Scooting over on a vinyl seat while wearing some other form of plastic as a skirt… Not working. #
• Teeth are chattering. For real. The air conditioning was nice for five minutes, but now I wish I had a snowsuit. Stupid Darkroom. #
• Teeth are chattering. For real. The air conditioning was nice for five minutes, but now I wish I had a snowsuit. Stupid Darkroom. #
• I brought a sweater, but changed shirts before I left and now sweater will never do. 3/4 sleeves over full sleeves? No. #
• http://twitpic.com/2hxck6 This skirt is dangerous. The "safety" pins come open all the time. #
• Fuck. I spent only a tiny portion of a semester of uni studying audio. But I don't need even that tell you… turn down the high end. Ow. #
• I am drunk. Someone take this last beer away, or expect me to get "entertaining". #
• A lot of singers need to learn to ennunciate. They taught me that shit in primary school choir, geez. #
• I drank it anyway, Internet. You're all on the hook. #
• This saves me the trouble of saying exactly the same thing. – "About That Mosque" http://bit.ly/9wjtZt #
• No, seriously. WTF!? – "WTF of the Day" http://bit.ly/apsE7z #
• Good advice. RT @Seattle_JC Do not open inboard fan cowl or thrust reverse halves until leading edge slats are retracted and deactivated. #
• On our way to LA. Long drive, but I have plenty of shitty books to read, don't worry. #
• Leaving this hotel and getting the hell out of Nebraska. (@ Best Western Stagecoach Inn) http://4sq.com/aQOgPG #
• Utah has a lot of rocks, and not much else. Some of them are pretty rocks, but yaknow, I think I'm over it. #
• LOL Utah. "Why have just one?" http://twitpic.com/2ipypx #
• 35C in Utah is several thousand times more tolerable than in Chicago. It feels COOLER than it actually is instead of like 40. Approval! #
• There's got to be a toilet tree around here somewhere. #
• I'm at Comfort Inn and Suites North Las Vegas (4375 E Craig Rd Las Vegas NV 89115 USA, North Las Vegas). http://4sq.com/db3BNS #
• Heading to the Vegas strip to watch other people spend money, since we're broke and all. #
• Everything I'm looking at now is totally unnecessary. Completely. #
• What the FUCK. (@ Luxor Hotel and Casino Las Vegas) http://4sq.com/dxrBd9 #
• "One betting disc, please." #
• They're totally missing an opportunity by not putting video gambling in the bathroom stalls. #
• I just unlocked the "Animal House" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/cdaq0t #
• Apologies to short people I know, but being tall is awesome. #
• Miraculously not at all hungover. But very (very) crabby. So shut the fuck up and stop looking at me dammit. Back in the car, next stop LA. #
• I'm #reading The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dum… by Alexandre Dumas http://bit.ly/bnLAEN #
• I'm #reading The Vampire's Seduction by Raven Hart http://bit.ly/a1wfPF #
• Have succeeded in traveling to California. Only been trying to get here since I was a toddler. Hello, LA. #
• Be an enabler of my narcissism: http://formspring.me/lintilla #
• I'm at Dragonfly Bar (6510 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood). http://4sq.com/582JAz #
• How do you like LA so far? — I haven't really been here long enough to judge, but on brief examination and weather… http://4ms.me/cD0M5t #
• Where can we see more of you in the nude? — My shower, my bed, under certain aliases I'm not about to tell you. My… http://4ms.me/ashATn #
• You have more aliases than that venomous sweet one? — Yeah, a few. http://4ms.me/9NFYAD #
• Anyone have questions that don't involve my bathing suit area? http://formspring.me/lintilla #
• Buy a burrito? — No. You buy ME a burrito. http://4ms.me/aOwp2X #
• I am weeks behind on internet memes. Can someone give me a summary? RSS reader is essplode. #
• If you had to murder your husband, your husband's frie… — How can I cop out of this one? Er, I'm my husband's be… http://4ms.me/9QbJRa #

• Fnord RT @mkcultra: RT @mkberry77: RT @mkcultra: Fnord RT @mkberry77: RT @mkcultra: Fnord RT @mkberry77: RT @mkcultra: Fnord [...] #
• They have. & not just in TO. RT @raymitheminx: Why do all TO guy comedians dress like they slept on their friend's couch for 3 days on end? #
• I was high the last few days. Now I'm back to low. What's it like to be in-between? I've never experienced it. #
• It was a bad kind of high, though. High-strung perhaps? And I think this is a good kind of low. Cat-napping and writing without thinking. #
• LEARN THIS. Candice thanks you. – "When to use i.e. in a sentence – The Oatmeal" http://bit.ly/dgB8Yo #
• That other Rx my private brain-care specialist gave me that just said "exercise" is probably the most effective. Except now I smell bad. #
• And boo hiss boo. Wii Fit tells me my weight is "normal" again. Can't have any of that. At least the first place I gain weight is my tits? #
• I have a hard life. #
• Appalling. – "What An Appendectomy Will Cost Without Health Insurance" http://bit.ly/d1kgW6 #
• I thought we were done hearing about this asshole. – "Ex-Con and Infomercial Star’s Bizarre Office Memos" http://bit.ly/aDYozW #
• I approve of this, except for the Rael bit…… – "August 22 is National Go-Topless Day" http://bit.ly/9J2Y3M #
• No, I'm not talking to you, @cyanotic . Yes, I'm FUCKING PISSED OFF. 4 (or was it 5) k-pins ain't werkin'. What are you gonna do about it? #
• When U wr young, mom, wld U wnt yer 'rents being up in yer biznass? Cyber stalking is the same as regular stalking, diary reading, etc. #
• I don't post anything I'm not comfy with the entire world reading, but whether YOU want to or SHOULD read it, that's on you. Boundaries! #
• Privacy is for old fogies. #
• Gaga vs Data RT @Laurel_Green: Sup, nerds? http://bit.ly/9B54L3 #
• In the mood to post song lyrics. I will restrain myself. For your sake. #
• "You look like my mommy after her box of wine!" 6:50am, time to get classy up in here. #
• Don't you have a job to do? Don't you have someone to kill? #
• A lot of you bastards aren't following my automated linkbot Twitter account @candibot. Mostly awesome art, stupid videos, random cool shit. #
• Yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn at soooooooooooooooooo many things. #
• Pro: don't need to wake at 5am tomorrow. Con: No playing naiad either. Photog cracked a tooth *shudder*. Toothal damage is a phobia of mine. #
• Oh, come on. Even if @cyanotic WAS enough of a prick to [redacted], you'd be seriously overestimating his free time to suspect him… #
• Plus, @cyanotic's like me. If he's gonna be an asshole, he's gonna be an asshole to your face (or avatar, as the case may be). #
• The rumours are true. @cyanotic and I are drug-addled polygamists. P.S. hot chicks apply to my email address. #
• I just ousted @djqbot as the mayor of Neo Nightclub on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/2XhCe0 #
• Mixed. Very mixed. RT @DiskoVilant What are your feelings on becoming the new mayor of Neo Nightclub? #
• Its SUCH a retardedly gd thing that I dnt end up having 2 leave town at 5am. I was looking forward 2 frolicking in waterfallls, but… No. #
• .@miconian Rivers of disrespect and lakes of social destruction. I hate everyone right now. #
• Send me YouTube videos. Send me YouTube videos that will stop me from crying. Kittens? Monkeys? You can find something. #
• Glad for unexpected support from Twitter persons. And the people that matter understand. I've always been an outcast. Same old shit. #
• O. My. Fucking. Bob. If U evr wnt 2 know wht I think/feel abt something, just ask. I'm a generally quiet person but when I speak, I'm BLUNT. #
• I thought that alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do / I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze. #
• But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose / To walk the fine line between self-control and self-abuse. #
• Oh, alcohol, I still drink to your health. #
• RT @Laurel_Green: @candice Heh. The Barenaked Ladies is a band. 'Cept for that one lady that is a cocaine addict now. #
• ATTN: Everyone — You think I'm "strange". And yet you think you can project your own feelings onto my situations. Kindly FUCK THE FUCK OFF. #
• Didn't I already tell you fuckers to look up the word "compersion"? http://bit.ly/aIEEHH It's a HAPPY FEELING, kids. #
• RT @10zlaine: i like how it's assumed you can love all your children, pets, family, etc, but can only love one person, ever, romantically. #
• Dinosaur rap heals all hurts http://youtu.be/ONnIjTQ_YK0 #
• Comedians are crucial to my sanity. Standup and sketch comedians are some of the people I respect most. Especially the brutally honest ones. #
• I can totes see getting pissed and blasting this out the window of my apt at my annoying neighbours some morn: http://youtu.be/8iLwgfzpwqU #
• I'm going to stay in bed for the rest of my life and watch comedians on YouTube. 100x better than any antidepressant pill. #
• Women are only good for three things: cooking, cleaning, and vaginas. #
• Re: this http://youtu.be/tVACUjHn6yU — when I worked at Fox every MJ tape for the news was labelled "Wacko Jacko". #
• Man….. "douche-nozzle". I love you, Patton Oswalt. #
• "Millions of kids in starving nations / living their lives with no Playstations / AIDs and war, no vaccinations" #
• "So fuck the motherfucker / And fuck you, motherfucker if you’re still a motherfucking papist" #
• "If he covered for a single motherfucker who’s a kiddie fucker / Fuck the motherfucker, he’s as evil as the rapist" #
• "And if you love me unconditionally / Would you let me video you while you wee?" #
• I want to go to open mic night & perform some standup sometime. Mostly because it scares the FUCK out of me. It's why I do a lot of things. #
• Fear is what I thrive on. #
• I'm leaving @Cyanotic for @DougStanhope. #
• "Find another way. You gotta make a living? You got bills to pay? Buy less shit and suck a dick!" #
• "Don't take a pill, take a cock!" I love you, @DougStanhope #
• http://youtu.be/AzfDtyDk9XE From 6mins… that's how I feel ALL THE TIME if you're ever wondering why I have trouble communicating verbally. #
• Did you guys know that EVERYONE IS A FUCKIN' DICKSHIT? #
• I'm gonna hyperventilate until I pass out, I think. It's okay. I'm not really enjoying being conscious. #
• Don't click this unless you want to see my naked ass. Or if we're related. Or if for some lame reason you're at work. http://bit.ly/9Yp88A #
• Shane was right. I WAS leaning. Busy worrying about falling in the lake. This isn't safe for work or relatives, either. http://bit.ly/bRDI0T #
• I'm not sure if this was worth the 8000 mosquito bites I got: http://bit.ly/bLWtEE (Again — don't even THINK about looking at this image) #
• dont speak 4 me. I wnt 2 share. ive got buckets of luv! RT @manogamy: @Kat_Eyz1969 @10zlain Humans R possessive & no 1 wants 2 share #
• Excellent Aristocrats joke (the kid just fuckin' makes it!): http://youtu.be/IKGuh44_LBc #
• FYII, Chicago: @DougStanhope , October 30th, Reggie's Rock Club. #
• What happened to the word "trooper". "Troop" apparently now means either a troop OR a singular troopER. Is 5 troops 5 people or 5 times ??? #
• "I want to buy mushrooms at Wal-Mart tomorrow!" #
• When I first heard this, I knew @DougStanhope was good people. #
• I'm too drunk to read accidentals. Playing my flute. Sounding like butt. #
• Tim Minchin: Ten Foot C*ck And A Few Hundred Virgins http://t.co/7hwYDga via @youtube #
• If you didn't understand Donnie Darko: http://youtu.be/QKTwFoZnaj4 #
• Yes, internets, I play the flute. I sing, also. If no one is home. I think I'm probably bad at both. #
• Didn't I say this already a few hours ago? Speak for yourself. Didn't I say this, too? Privacy is for chickenshits. #
• Keeping my muzzle off. #
• 7th anniversary today for me & @cyanotic. Been living in USA about as long. Still not an American. Wedding dress still fits. Coincidence? #
• I miss mine. – "Flavor of the Day: Nipple piercings, by request (NSFW)" http://bit.ly/96AKVt #
• 4 of 5 stars to Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/cPvWF8 #
• I'm #reading The Book of Jhereg by Steven Brust http://bit.ly/dcX3m6 #

From the Principia Discordia, the least retarded bible I am aware of.

A Sermon on Ethics and Love

One day Malaclypse the Younger, the Benevolent Polyfather, asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an etheral female Voice said YES?

“O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!”

WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON’T SOUND WELL.

“I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, childen perish while brothers war. O, woe.”

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

“But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it.”

OH. WELL, THEN STOP.

At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.

• Getting annoyed with books that switch POV every chapter. #
• Last.fm for Xbox needs visualization options. I'm tired of looking at average looking guys in tshirts turning a knob and staring at laptops. #
• I have nothing to say about this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3zLR2WhV4o #
• 3 of 5 stars to Frostbite (Vampire Academy, #2 by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/bveVfJ #
• I'm #reading Shadow Kiss (Vampire Academy, #3 by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/cVFXL6 #
• 5 of 5 stars to Moby-Dick by Herman Melville http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/84101467 #
• If I was this girl, I'd be smacking this boy. I hate getting "bless you"ed when I sneeze. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD1BCqbS2kM #
• Then… desensitization to just about everything by spending too much time on the internet has had the positive ef… http://bit.ly/cPfQK5 #
• Here's something even I'm not desensitized to: http://gizmodo.com/5606053/this-it-how-it-feels-to-be-under-a-nuclear-attack #
• Sigh and sigh and sigh. #
• Cancels out, keep walkin' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcoqsgYJ1Po #
• Can someone come over and turn off the alarm clock in my bedroom? That shit is ANNOYING. But much too far away to reach. #
• And yes. Around here we set our alarm clock for 1pm. Early bird gets the worm and such. #
• I love you, Dramamine. #
• Fucking. Why bother turning off my alarm clock. The building across the street has had its alarm going off for like, 17 hours now. #
• It stops for 20 seconds now and then and I think "MAYBE IT'S OVER". Then it starts back up. God knows I have a hangover, and he hates me. #
• Fuck consciousness. I give up on this shit. Goodnight. #
• This is lovely. – "Craigslist Do-Gooder Seeks Bike's Rightful Owner" http://bit.ly/cWCOlv #
• "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." – "Jesus vs. Jeezus" http://bit.ly/9phUe7 #
• I'm going bonkers. So much pent up creative energy, and I can't seem to put it to use on anything. Internal restlessness is so uncomfy. #
• Welp, I think I got a good two hours of sleep in there somewhere. Good morning. Ffffffffffff… #
• Someone described my predicament as "creative blue balls". I think that's apt. #
• Over here, too. And burritos. Hurry, it's life or death. RT @Amanojahku Cold beer please. #
• I don't come off properly on the net at all. I'm only 53% as bitchy in real life. If you take me seriously. Which would be seriously stupid. #
• "Lemme check my calendar", I says. Yep, I'm free. All. Of. The. Time. I like to make my plans 15 seconds before carrying them out. #
• Screencap this biznatches! FFS. I gots me a whole new breed of creepy stalkers. I prefer the ones that want to wear my ass as a hat. #
• Attempting to squash creative bug by arranging photo shoots and contemplating art crimes. #
• Also making busy scribbling illegible prose. Never to be read again. The world will have to do without my genius. #
• Who has a goddamned car that can drive me into the middle of nowhere tomorrow to look at the Perseids? Stupid city light pollution! #
• I'm up late, I'm splicing commas. #
• .@cyanotic @PreciousLittle @AcuJamie Boo to you & that tiny claustrophobic room. I'm gonna sit here & listen to music by mySELF, then. Hmph. #
• Seriously, I hate that fuckin' room. If I take a handful of Klonopins maybe I can stand it. FFFFFFFFFFFffffffffffffffffffffffffffff! #
• Smokers are jokers. #
• I'm gonna change the title tag on every site I manage to "New Tab". Just to fuck with you. #
• No, really. Who has a car. We're going to Missouri. I hear they have some darkness out that way. Fucking. Light pollution. Fuck off. #
• Saw me about ten meteors early today despite being in Chicago. And one satellite. What's that site where you can look up satellite passes? #
• Damn, satellite flyby site is overloaded. Lots of people looking up last night, obviously. #
• 3 of 5 stars to Shadow Kiss (Vampire Academy, #3 by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/cVFXL6 #
• 4 of 5 stars to Blood Promise by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/9iAsUa #
• I'm #reading Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/cPvWF8 #
• Inexplicably want to punch walls. Which means it's probably time to clean the floors! #
• Yes, it does, it's called I'm probably bipolar. RT @eShepperd: @candice Your body has an odd way of telling you when to do housework #
• Who said housewives don't get paid? I found a whole 45 cents while vacuuming! #
• I'm watching Road to Avonlea. Don't judge me. #
• Only I could attempt to swap out my cell phone battery and end up bleeding. #
• Dawwwwwwww – "The Presurfer: The Pygmy Marmoset" http://bit.ly/aFIbWv #
• Fuck off, air show. #
• Back from committing art crimes in the middle of downtown. Didn't get into trouble, but we scandalized or amused a few people, perhaps #
• DIdn't get run over, either. If you're going to pose nude in the middle of State St., it's good to have a lookout :p #
• I should not have been near all those plants today. Upgraded to eye OINTMENT (AKA vaseline). It looks like I'm seeing through opaque glass. #

• Stories about complex disputes between multiple parties written so as to make one side appear 100% blameless make me a bit suspicious. You? #
• The actors on True Blood are really good at playing real people who are bad actors. #
• Well. That's pretty metal, I guess! – "Screen printing in blood" http://bit.ly/9j81dT #
• My hairs are dark purple now. Wowwww I look pale! And I have a tan! Must have looked like a corpse in high school w/ the black! #
• I write great scifi concepts in my sleep. Trying to note down last night's dream about living buildings that evolved with their inhabitants. #
• C-Bucs rule! #
• Everyone always forgets the part about how "information also wants to be expensive". #
• Most awesome thing I've seen on the internet for a while. – "Mayor Mike's Bluetooth Gun" http://bit.ly/d5g9QS #
• Buy for me, plz & thx. – "Carnival and Lent Puzzle" http://bit.ly/aRFbwS #
• Reminds me of the wide shot of a field full of tourists posing in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, pretending t… http://bit.ly/aYHNeg #
• Can't sleep, clown will eat me. #
• Latest crap YA vampire novel I'm reading has sprinklings of the word "fuck" throughout. Also: "asstarded". Beats Twilight. So hard. #
• I don't think I've ever fallen asleep on my keyboard but I've washed ink off of my face many times before this. Notepads are better pillows. #
• Ignore what I said about the clown. I am a sleeping champion. Anyone without my skills would go mad living here. #
• 3 of 5 stars to Burned by P.C. Cast http://bit.ly/a3D2gg #
• Everyone reading this within a 10 hr radius better show! RT @cinful517 Hope to see you all out at Darkroom for @cyanotic tomorrow night!!!!! #
• So, @DarkroomChicago. You will get hypothermia from the AC. This alone should convince you to go there today. (Also, @Cyanotic) #
• I know pain serves a purpose, and that we'd probably all die without it. But can't I acknowledge and then press "ignore"? Like on Facebook? #
• You're bloody well right… #
• I drink 'til I'm drunk and I smoke 'til I'm senseless. #
• Compersion. Look it up. #
• I approve of Hangover Days by Jason Collett – #lastfm http://bit.ly/1VNw8b #
• I'm #reading Frostbite (Vampire Academy, #2 by Richelle Mead http://bit.ly/bveVfJ #

• Buy me this: http://www.uistencils.com/products/website-stencil-kit #
• The "only be able" bit is a FUN story for later: RT @fraqturedsound: @Cyanotic will only be able to appear at the Cleveland & Chicago shows. #
• I'll tell all you @Cyanotic fans one thing though. Car troubles ain't got shit to do with shit right now. Would I lie to you, Internet? #
• All animals have the same parts? So where are her wings and fins? – "Eating Pamela Anderson" http://bit.ly/bFUlkS #
• .@reptilianthighs BS drama with @unter_null thing. Dunno all specifics. @cyanotic did have car trouble but intended to rejoin from the 23rd. #
• Fuuuck, school supplies are on sale in stores and the Target across the street opens… uh, hey. Opened. Today? Please confiscate my wallet. #
• You're all too happy again. Have some depression: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk-esBfPxpI #
• Sorry about the breast ironing video. Here is a bike wearing a sweater: http://blog.makezine.com/archive/2010/07/sweater_bike.html #
• Art, folks. Art. – "Artists steal a Chicken in a Vagina (NSFW)" http://bit.ly/cTQJK7 #
• He then went on to say "dude, I am so high right now". – "Universe Inside A Black Hole" http://bit.ly/cDtc0e #
• What does it mean? (Pretend I didn't just say that.) – "Round Rainbow" http://bit.ly/dbCHuS #
• This is my homepage: http://www.27bslash6.com/sad.html #
• I'm gonna have to start teaching a troll-proofing course. First lesson: the correct course of action in this case … http://bit.ly/9oJZCH #
• Oh, Gord. So sleepy. Doctor Who and zzzzzzzzzzzzs now. #
• "Out of the band's control" always makes me laugh. On account of it's usually BS. Especially when it comes to arguments. Control yoself! #
• If there's one thing I'm not afraid of it's the truth. Using exposing the truth to threaten me… Laughable. I FEED on truth! #
• If you want to offend me, though… tell my husband to "get [his] bitch in line". In so many words, or a few more to disguise it a little. #
• About as annoying as the guy in Best Buy who replies to Sean even though I'm asking the questions. What year is this again? #
• Bow ties are cool. #
• I'd spell it hiphopcrisy, br yes! RT @CherishHellfire Is hip-hopocrisy a word? Can it be? #
• I want to bite the electric tiger's tail. #
• I have a lot of trouble reconciling orson scott card's religious views with his writing. Like. A *lot* of trouble. #
• Some of his characters are wiser than he is. Which I guess makes him an amazing writer. #
• And the walls came down
  All the way to hell
  Never saw them when they standin'
  Never saw them when they fell #
• No colours anymore, I want them to turn black. #
• Klonikahlua. #
• Keep one eye on the door, keep one eye on the bed… Don't you hate it when I drink and tweet with music on? #
• Bertie Wooster is just about my ideal man. With @cyanotic I've pretty much got him. Sorry there, good ol' mater. #
• I approve of E-Race Generation by Helalyn Flowers – #lastfm http://bit.ly/10A1Q #
• Kill it with fire! — Dogs of Glory by Jim Steager http://youtu.be/2oOHZvAYmxk #
• I've got a chest x-ray I've been meaning to find some sort of backlighting for. I guess this was too obvious. – "L… http://bit.ly/9JEkyM #
• Good. The guilty until proven innocent crap people accused of libel in the UK face is hideous. – "U.S. Senate pass… http://bit.ly/9aVbsq #
• I "read" a lot of non-English art blogs. I think I have a good idea of the authors' personalities despite not understanding the words. #
• This is sex. – "Old School Color Cycling with HTML5" http://bit.ly/d7JOOp #
• How do I sign up to model for hilarrible stock photography? #
• This probably already done posted itself to my Twitter feed, but this is my favourite thing of the last five minutes: http://bit.ly/bX9huR #
• Bad stock photo parodies? Anyone? echo…. echo……. echo…….. #
• No, really. Scroll down to the dapper drinking section of this. I am far too amused. http://bit.ly/agg0kP #
• I'm #reading Where's My Space Age? by Sean Topham http://bit.ly/aEIvMv #
• Bahaha. – "99 Cents Only Store Sued Because It's No Longer 99 Cents Only" http://bit.ly/c25hox #
• Good question. – "Why Do We Care More About The Gulf Than The Amazon?" http://bit.ly/cXxcJT #
• I saw the original photo yesterday and knew this result was inevitable: http://bit.ly/d2ffFU #
• And really. I should NOT be laughing so hard at that right now. I think I need to go to bed. #
• Difficulty of accomplishing a joke accounts for a large percentage of the total funniness of joke score. #
• You can't fool me, old-timey TV show. That man claims to be rich and honourable, but he has a mustache! He's up to some sort of trickery! #
• It's not just any mustache, either. It's one of those ones with the twisty tips. Just a tiny step up from Hitler. #
• It's a shame no one will ever be able to wear a toothbrush 'stache again. That's the true tragic legacy of the Holocaust. Okay, not so much. #
• You'll never guess my secret identity. #
• Looking at TweetDeck, reading tweets that have since been deleted. And laughing. And laughing. #
• I call the big one Bitey. #
• From what I can tell, 100 years ago people spent at least 90% of their time whitewashing fences. #
• Gimme a break. Cyanotic can't afford that! :p RT @tehcaptainjack: The cunt from @unter_null just flipped out & called @cyanotic drug addicts #
• "If the 1st of the month falls on a weekend [...] the withdrawal occurs the next business day." Ahem. That means MONDAY 2nd not FRIDAY 30th! #
• I look forward to arguing my way out of some overdraft fees with the bank and/or bitching at my insurance company early next week… #
• Well, I am now! RT @adorableaudrey: Soo…anyone else playing DoodleGod? #
• .@unter_null People *do* gossip and speculate so when you don't speak up, don't they. That's on you. #
• Okay, if anybody wants me I'm going to be watching videos of kittens on YouTube for the rest of the night. #
• This video has a monkey AND a kitty: http://youtu.be/BiW2yeZG30g #
• You know what would be nice? If my apartment had proper weatherstripping and LESS FUCKING http://bit.ly/EdoRL #
• At least house centipedes eat everything else? But fuuuuuuuuuuuuck :( DEATH TO ALL -PEDES, both milli-and centi-! #
• "Now you're ready to make pretzels. Open your bag of ingredients… Check for… millipedes…" #
• It would maybe have been better for my stomach if I'd eaten something without beans in it during the last week. #
• The amount of amusement I just got out of this almost definitely means it's bed time: http://www.buzzfeed.com/todd/unbeatable-eggs-lrb/ #
• I seem to have caught a cold. Please send my husband back home with orange juice and Chinese food and medicine and an air conditioner. #
• I wish donuts DID reproduce! – "Donut Mitosis" http://bit.ly/bhiEpe #

(Recently)

You have clearly never conversed with me on the topic of monogamy. If you had you would have quickly learned that my views are:

a) That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.

,

b) For real? You’re being serious? Isn’t that boring?

,

c) Why?

,

d) That’ll never work.

and

e) Penguins are cute.

Goodnight.

Here is something much more important:

• Heaven or Hell? — Mu. http://formspring.me/lintilla/q/825762361 #
• 2nding motion: who f'd what up? Speak your mind. Internet wants info, not BS vague public jabs. RT @unter_null: @cyanotic you fucked up man #
• .@unter_null PS, you need to work on your communication. Been seeing Tweets from venues/promoters who are clearly being passively misled. #
• Sorry. My tolerance for BS, characterized here by silence, is low, s'all. RT @cyanotic: @candice @unter_null oh now, now… none of that. #
• That a fact? RT @respectablest: @UNTER_NULL + @CYANOTIC live at Respectable Street this Wednesday July 21st! http://fb.me/vOcEqpT2 #
• You sure? RT @vendetta_music: Check out – @Unter_Null w/ @Cyanotic, RW FFW, and DJ Starr in Denver Aug 09 @ 8:00PM #
• I'll stop, I'll stop. Not really my place. But I feel quite badly for third and fourth and fifth parties who are in the dark. #
• And yes, that's questionable grammar at best. I'm going to go stare at the idiot box and get stupider now. Kbye. #
• Come ON, BSG! Who saves flashbacks til the last episodes? So not interested at this point. I WANT ANSWERS. And yes, I'm late to the game. #
• With fans in every window during the few hours it dropped to a reasonable temp outside I have managed get my apartment down to… 80F :( #
• Watched all of Battlestar Galactica in a couple of weeks. All Along the Watchtower is permanently imprinted on my brain pattern. #
• It is still strange to me that people here have no idea what I want if I ask them for an elastic. #
• I never chose to be an atheist. It's the way I was born :P – "Why it Matters Whether Atheism is a Choice" http://bit.ly/92Gb3z #
• I highly doubt it. RT @latexrecords: In case you didn'r know, catch @unter_null & @cyanotic this Tues @TheShelterAtl #
• "It's like a Hoppity Hop!" – "Doctors save man whose penis swelled so large he couldn’t walk" http://bit.ly/aDIc4H #
• Forgetting to take my pills equals never getting tired and cattiness/grumpiness/excessive whining/chronic nagging/nagging/nagging. #
• It's probably not easy. I didn't really care past the title of whatever this is… – "How Do You Make People Care … http://bit.ly/czfaRq #
• The alarm in my bedroom has been going off for ages. I don't think Sean even notices, but it's killing me out here. You're weird, @cyanotic. #
• Right. Good idea. Create a new strain of super-AIDS… – "New Vaginal Gel Reduces HIV Infection Rates by 54%" http://bit.ly/cNI4oN #
• I saw this and didn't understand either. And I'm cable-free, too, so… I can't help it. Most things I watch are throu… http://disq.us/hlg8v #
• making a flyer. font on photoshop still set to last one used. microgramma. check font for logo i need. microgramma. yay, hooray, cliché. #
• Dawwwww… – "King O ist the happiest ugly Bird you will ever see. And it sings." http://bit.ly/bvJHO0 #
• I approve. Not that everyone who follows me doesn't already know that scientologists are asshats. #stupidscientolo .. http://bit.ly/9gwkT6 #
• Getting dressed up to go to the ATM. @cyanotic stole my keys, so my only choices are to go out and stay out or to let my account overdraft. #
• The Wicked Witch of the West should have had herself Scotchguarded. #
• List fails. These aren't confusing. I haven't seen Mulholland Drive, but yeah, maybe replace that with Eraserhead…. http://bit.ly/cL49FC #
• Site I can't recommend you look at of the day: http://keithboadwee.com/home.html #
• .@Cyanotic, @PreciousLittle and Chris are on the road for the weekend. And I'm done wearing pants for the weekend! It's 83F in here! #
• If you fake a smile your body fools itself into being happier. If I play music that gives me goosebumps can I beat the heat? #
• People who wind cords tightly around their adapters are not my people. Those things are expensive, you know! #
• There are four fans pointing directly at me. None of them have ribbons tied to them. It just doesn't seem right. #
• I think Eels is the band with the sound that best represents my general mood. Optimistically depressed. Adamantly indifferent. Bipolar… #
• "You gotta take the sweet with the sour." #
• Crying feels almost as good as laughing. Making an effort to do both at the same time tonight. #
• Just a response to chronic company. This introvert needs alone time. Emotional outburst is just an extremely heavy-duty (pent up) sigh. #
• .@Endless102 I'm best friends with everyone online! In person here is what I say: "…………………….." #
• Bahaha/sobsobsob. – "July 23, 2010" http://bit.ly/8ZKyQ6 #
• Lame lyric quote for the night (were there more? I forget.) "My kind of love is an ugly love. But it's real and it lasts a long long time." #
• If I never need replacement organs I demand that they be open source. – "Can you audit the software that goes in y… http://bit.ly/dA2D6s #
• I'm going fetal. Best dance moves ever. #
• Gonna put out a disc of remixes. Songs from my HD on shuffle with my cat meowing over everything. She has pretty good rhythm actually. #
• My phone has da Swype, and it IS pretty damned good. And Swype typos are HILARIOUS! – "Speel de Samsung Swipe game!" http://bit.ly/dCTEnl #
• I think this lady is a hoot — Proper Opossum Pedicure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MRE2K3x-AY #
• Depending on how things were punctuated I think the customer is asking a fair question. – "May Also Cancel Brain Waves" http://bit.ly/cF2naS #
• I may not make full use of my smartitude, but it sure is great for making me feel superior when I give a fact and logic smackdown. #
• Downloaded this last night :) – "Yes Men documentary goes online via Bittorrent to evade censorship" http://bit.ly/9q479q #
• It's under 80 in my apartment for the first time in weeks. I think I'm going to catch a chill. #
• I ask this as much for your benefit as mine, @cyanotic. A new wedding ring for our anniversary. #

• .@cyanotic Oh, I'm having a jolly ol' time playing phone tag with the Chicago Department of Business Affairs. And chomping Klonopins. #
• I'm no gossip, but I have a hard time holding my tongue when BS goes down, because BS deserves exposure. *Shakes fist at [redacted]!* #
• Finally picked up my new glasses. I can see! It's a miracle! #
• http://twitpic.com/xxxxxx are you fucking kidding me? awesome mothering. #
• http://twitpic.com/24t4zc last link didn't work. trying again. #
• I'm broadcasting my live Stickam stream at http://stickam.com/ecidnac started: Tue, 01:33 PDT #
• I'm broadcasting my live Stickam stream at http://stickam.com/ecidnac #
• Bahaha. I love me. #
• Haha. I love the moral of this story. RT @defenestr8: @candice you may dig this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y65lERfzNNE #
• "The average human body produces about a liter of mucus per day." MY body produces at least a gallon. Achoo! #
• Sesame Street: 30 Rocks http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlLv268-JhE #
• Doh! I had an appointment with my private brain care specialist today. Thought it was tomorrow. Need refills of brain candy. #
• It's gotta be over 80 in my apartment and my cat is trying to snuggle up to me for warmth. Lunatic species. #
• Does anyone know a good audio app for Android that has a bookmark feature? #
• .@Cyanotic is opening for The Birthday Massacre (@TBMassacre) tomorrow @ReggiesLive. Tickets, details: http://bit.ly/chxKQE #
• Only just now looked at a physical copy of @cyanotic's The Medication Generation. Pretty okay with how the booklet layout I did looks. #
• Candice smash! – "Motorola Droid X actually self-destructs if you try to mod it" http://bit.ly/digVdp #
• I don't know how liveable this is, but it really is kind of super awesome. – "Real life Simpsons house" http://bit.ly/demyUf #
• I've been booted to the Windows desktop on a couple of ATMs. Kind of scary… had no problem running various apps…. http://bit.ly/d1CvPw #
• Beautiful. – "Anouk Kruithof" http://bit.ly/ajTsx4 #
• Far too long. – "It’s been too long since we walked on the Moon" http://bit.ly/c9B7DB #
• In case your day is going unacceptably well, here you go: – "No peeking!" http://bit.ly/9HhcnX #
• Labels are for suckers. And yes, despite my warnings, my husband got suckered. People should learn to listen to me… http://bit.ly/a1pe9n #
• Lovely day and I'm lovelier with sweat beading on the hairs above my red, red lips. 30C is my absolute limit and you've crossed it, Chicago. #
• http://twitpic.com/26a71x I approve of Bill and Ted related graffiti. #
• All ages shows are fucked. @cyanotic played ages ago and the sun won't set for another couple hours. #
• PS I consider curfew laws to be unconditional. Just gotta have a kid before I can contact the ACLU. So nevermind. #
• Unconstitutional. Stupid phone. #
• I did graphic design for everything on the merch table. Feels good man. #
• Never heard a song by @TBMassacre before. Hubby just opened for them. So reserving judgement, but bonus points for being from Toronto. #
• Look, people. I'm behind the merch booth. I can't go anywhere. No, I don't know where so-and-so is. #
• Who wants to eat my sausage? #
• Smile and nod and nod. I have no idea what anyone is saying to me. #
• If it's not "here is a drink" or "here is some money" I don't really care. #
• I'm sorry for anyone wearing a hijab. For so many reasons, and then the weather on top. Heat is dangerous. Wearing black doesn't help. #
• This is very, VERY good advice. RT @tylerconium Never trust someone that's always nice in reply to tylerconium #
• Feels like 4am, but it's 9:30pm. So now what? #
• Sinking ship advice: jump off. #
• The paintball episode of Community is one of my favorite things ever. #
• i am in love with @joelmchale. #
• People who don't know shit trying to teach others who might know shit (or not) but assume that they don't know shit… Sigh… #

Because I’m too broke for shoppings, and I have nothing to wear.

So, unless you want me to go around naked? You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Internet. But it’s just not realistic. And if I don’t lose the seven pounds I gained, I will never fit into most of the clothes in my closet again. “Most” includes every single pair of pants I own minus the one pair with a “6″ on the label that I bought when I weighed five pounds more than I do today.

And there go all of your arguments. Vanished in a puff of logic before you even made them. So don’t bother, unless you’re planning to buy me a new wardrobe.

If you are planning to buy me a new wardrobe we can negotiate. Otherwise, suck it.

I will be losing seven to seventeen pounds in the near future, depending on whether I decide I prefer the clothes I have put away with a “3″ on the label or the ones with a “1″ or a “0″. Thank you very much and goodnight.

(Until then I will be jubbling my larger than usual boobies around town in shirts that are slightly too small, and you can’t watch because you say stupid things to me, so neener neener neener.)

Hello there, web form asking me for my personal information!

I can understand why my address is “required information”, even though not everybody has an address. It may indeed be difficult to ship something to someone without an address.

However, “home phone” is also required by you. I do not have a home phone. I do not (think I) know anybody under the age of 30 who has a home phone. Not unless they have DSL, in which case they have may or may not have an actual phone attached to that phone line, and if they do have a phone attached to that phone line the only people who call it are telemarketers. I don’t know why they know that the only people who call it are telemarketers since it was silly of them to answer a phone that rings when someone dials a number they never gave out to anyone, but that’s kind of irrelevant to my main point here.

I filled in your “home phone” field with “N/A” because it is not applicable, but that’s not good enough for you. You only accept entries in the form ###-###-####. Give me a break. Even if I did have a home phone number your form should at least be programmed to be smart enough to figure out that any entry with at least ten digits (or alternatively a “1″ followed by ten other digits) is an acceptable phone number. But, as I’ve pointed out, I don’t have a home phone number. Your form is impossible to fill out without lying. And lying is bad. You will not accept the truth, even if I spell it out in full: “not applicable”. You can’t handle the truth.

Didn’t you see that I also filled in your “cell phone” field with my cell phone number? That’s better than a home phone number. If you call my cell phone number you can contact me all the time, even if I am not at home. But when I am home, it still works there, too! You can send me text messages. You can leave me voicemail even if I don’t own some fiddly analog tape-thingy.

Get a clue, dudes.

And I don’t work for free. (Although, to illustrate my point I will be breaking this rule a teensy bit and giving away some free and undeserved attention.)

Down with this kind of thing:

MTV wants me to advertise MTV and ZYNC. They want me to spam my Twitter followers and Facebook friends. They want me to subject myself to a deluge of marketing. On purpose. They want me to tell you that I like it.

Do I look like a bitch? Then why you try to fuck me like a bitch?

This isn’t a good bribe. There is approximately 0.0000001% chance of any real payoff. You want me to annoy and to be annoyed for (almost definitely) absolutely nothing? I do believe I will pass.

I believe it’s true that everyone has a price. But if I ever do sell out (and as a big fan of Andy Warhol, it’s one of my ambitions in life), you can be damned sure that you won’t be buying me so fucking cheap. Free is way the fuck too fucking cheap. Tweets aren’t worth much, but they’re not worthless. And you know this if you’re trying to trick me into selling them to you.

I do not “RT to win”, and if you need to use this kind of persuasion to get me to promote your product it probably sucks eleventy-seven penises.

I’m all for shameless self-promotion. I’m promote things I’m actually interested in all the damned time. But my personal endorsement is expensive. Even my “this is awesome, *winkwinkIknowyouknowI’mdoingitfortheprize*” endorsement. Fuck the fuck off. If you want me to contribute to your brand recognition, you’re going to need to cough up.

And my dear followers… don’t be Twitter whores. Have confidence. You’re worth enough to be classy Twitter escorts.

Number of posts per day: a fuckload
Portion of the fuckload I give a shit about: a few
Portion of the few that I’ve already seen on smaller blogs: most of them
Portion of the few that are original content or links I that haven’t already seen in the last week and that will therefore be reposted by smaller blogs within minutes to hours: the rest (i.e. not very fucking many)

I’d make this into an infographic, but here’s one thing that’s been boring me to death lately: infographics. They’re over. They’ve been over. (Not as over as steampunk, though.) Please stop. Construct the Venn diagram for this post in your mind, if you must.

I do need the rest of you to continue slogging through Boing Boing, anything Gawker, reddit, Digg, even Kottke (and I have a deep-seated, long-standing hatred of Kottke… of which the origin has been forgotten, but even so, fuck him). You are my social sieve. Thank you for contributing to the efficiency by which I jam my brain full of pointless trivia.

Or, ideally, Google could somehow figure out a way to make Reader weed out or group duplicates in my RSS subscriptions? Please? I don’t really need to see 50 reposts of every XKCD comic.

Which should I feel more guilty about? Wasting food or wasting money?

At the local grocery store one gallon of milk costs less than whatever the next wacko American size down is. Half gallon? Quart? Who cares. Point is: a lot of milk = $1.46, way less milk = $1.54 (I might be off by a few cents here; it’s not like I employ a fact checker).

There is no way in hell my husband and I will ever use an entire gallon of milk before it spoils. Frozen milk is just bleh, plus I’m way too lazy and short of freezer space to do that anyway. I only buy milk once in a while for recipes.

I bought the gallon. Half of that might end up in stomachs. The other half will be poured down the drain in chunks while I make my disgusted face.

Stupid. Just stupid. So let’s just turn this post into another excuse to quote The Simpsons.

Kent Brockman: Coming up next, a new fad that’s sweeping the nation — wasting food.

There’s also a Facebook group for this shit, since there’s a Facebook group for absofuckinglutely everything: New Craze sweeping the Nation–Wasting Food. Actually, there are several wasting food groups, that’s just the first one I found. Arggle blarggle.

What happened happened.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

And.

In the voice of Keanu Reeves: “whoa”.